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How to Deal with an Aspergers Man

Are you so frustrated with your Aspergers man that it's making you crazy?  STOP!  Read this first...

Your "Aspie" is not a bad guy who is intentionally trying to be an asshole. Try some of these tips before you poison his lemonade:

1. Understand that some men with Aspergers (high functioning autism) can be brutally honest. When talking about reasons for marriage, a person with Aspergers might say that there is an availability of sex as the main reason, while not including his love of his significant other. Romance can be puzzling to someone with Aspergers, but again, you will probably see improvement after explaining the meaning behind it, why it’s necessary, and that it makes you feel good.

2. Tell your Aspergers partner how you are feeling, especially if you are angry, and why. Your partner may not understand your emotions and why you are reacting a certain way.

3. Learn what his interests are, and try to engage in activities focusing on those interests. Go on a few dates where social interaction isn’t necessarily the focus.

4. If your Aspergers partner talks in a confusing manner (e.g., talks in riddles, uses complex vocabulary, doesn’t answer your questions directly, etc.), ask him for more clarification. Also, remember not to use riddles, jokes or sarcasm in the same way you would with someone who doesn’t have Aspergers. If you do, ask if he understood and then explain what you meant. Otherwise, he might be hurt by what you said or just be confused.

5. If your Aspergers partner has certain quirks (e.g., not wanting to talk on the phone), understand that it may be related to Aspergers. Confront him about the issue if it bothers you, and explain why.

6. Ease him into large social situations (e.g., parties or group outings). Understand if he is overwhelmed or decides not to go with you. He might prefer being alone or with less people.

7. Don’t be alarmed if your Aspergers man is confused by romantic gestures (e.g., hugging or kissing). Stop if needed, but also try explaining what the gestures mean, or suggest going to a relationship counselor together so you can work on your partner’s relationship skills.

8. Don’t assume your Aspergers man is uninterested just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Decide what you think of him and let him know. After he is aware of your attraction and isn’t confused about nonverbal gestures and flirtation, it might be easier for him to decide if he feels the same way.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

1 comment:

  1. One reader had this to say: "It’s just so frustrating that I have to change ME for the sake of my HFA husband. He is so self-centered (obviously) and so I have to engage in interests that he is interested in, I have to speak in a way that he can handle, I have to have no expectations of him whatsoever, where’s the help for us wives? I've had a horrible last 5 days with this man who mopes around, lies in a fetal position, all this while I pamper to him and give him what he wants so as to keep the peace in the home for my children's sake and I'm starting to think, you can't give what you haven't got. I am incredibly miserable, but, in sickness and in health hey, 23 years of marriage down so I'll keep pushing on. Sad lonely existence! He certainly doesn't consider me or our children in anything, it’s all about him and it’s so hard living with this person when it’s all one sided."

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