Even couples who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Compounding these problems is the fact that Aspergers men (and some women) are lacking in both sex education and sexual self-awareness. Yet, having sex is one of the last things the Aspie should be giving up. Sex brings couples closer together, releases hormones that helps their bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy relationship intact.
How to fix sexual problems with your neurotypical spouse:
1. First of all, if your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved by using the suggestions below, consult a qualified sex therapist that can help you both address and resolve this issue.
2. Flirt with her. Make a habit of sending playful, sexy messages to her throughout the day.
3. Give her some space. It seems counter-intuitive, but letting your wife have some time to herself can help her recharge. Offer to watch the children for a few hours so she can relax in a bubble bath. This "time out" lets her wind down so that later she’ll be ready to heat up.
4. Just kiss. Agree to place a ban on sex for a certain length of time and just kiss and focus on foreplay. Abstaining from sex has the added benefit of charging up your sex-drive.
5. Learn what truly turns your wife on by asking her to come up with a personal "arousal list." You create a list as well. What do each of you truly find sexually exciting? The answers may delight you. Swap the lists and use them to create more “bedroom events” that turn you both on.
6. Make an appointment – but not necessarily at night when the both of you are tired (e.g., during your toddler’s Sunday afternoon nap, a "before-breakfast” quickie, or ask your parents to take your children every other Saturday night for a sleepover). When a sexual encounter is on the calendar, it increases the anticipation.
7. Mixing things up a bit can increase sexual enjoyment. Why not have sex by the fire place? Standing up in the hallway? In the kitchen?
8. Play an adult board game.
9. Set the mood. Don't underestimate the power of lighting a few candles. Make sure your bedroom is sexy and doesn't have toys littering it – and turn off the T.V.
10. Talk and Listen. Spending 15 minutes connecting with your wife and listening to her talk can help her feel appreciated. Avoid stressful topics like the children and work, and stick to larger issues like current events and the world around you. Respond with full sentences, not grunts. If you can remember and repeat something she said 8 hours later, she’ll be impressed—and you’ll be one step closer to intimacy.
11. Try just hugging or kissing her. Hold and squeeze her hand. Unload the dishwasher yourself. Women want to feel connected to their husbands in ways that don’t always involve sex.
12. Watch an erotic film together. It doesn't have to be porn for it to be sexy.