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40 Ways Asperger's Husbands Can Improve Their Relationships

  1. Accept her apologies. If you've been arguing, and she makes an attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff her.
  2. Apologize for something you never apologized for, even though you knew it was your fault.
  3. Ask her what she was like when she was a little child.
  4. Bathe together periodically.
  5. Compliment something that she's improved upon.
  6. Cook a meal together. Divide up the tasks so you can both be in the kitchen working at the same time.
  7. Cover her with a blanket. If you're up in the middle of the night or have to leave early in the morning and you see your spouse has tossed the comforter off, take a minute and tuck her in.
  8. Do her chores. Do the dishes or vacuum the carpet – even if it's not your turn or your job. 
  9. Don't react when she says something annoying.
  10. Get her a subscription to a magazine she likes.
  11. If she holds a notable position in her field (or even if not) remind her of how splendid she is at her job and how it intensifies your admiration of her.
  12. If there's a secret you've been wanting to share with her, write a list of five reasons you're afraid to say it, five ways you could phrase it, and five possible reactions she could have. Then pick one phrase and do it. 
  13. If you're feeling anxious about something, ask your spouse to be your stress-reliever. Ask her to listen as you explain what you're worrying about. The catch is that she doesn't have to say anything—no reassurances or offers of assistance. She just has to pay attention to what you're saying. As you're talking, imagine your stress dissipating as the words leave your mouth. 
  14. In the middle of the day, send her a text message that says, " thinking of you."
  15. Leave an open bottle of wine and an empty glass in the kitchen for your wife after a long, hard day. Join her for a glass.
  16. Make a her special snack. Even if you're on a diet, there's always room for a little treat once a week. Maybe it's a food from her childhood (e.g., the smores her father used to make when he made a campfire) or something that reminds her of your first date (e.g., eating at a hotdog stand on the beach) – and snack that will show you're thinking about the two of you.
  17. Make breakfast for her. It's more unexpected than lunch or dinner.
  18. Massage a part of her body that you wouldn't usually pay attention to (e.g., forearm, shoulder, calf, feet, etc.).
  19. Next time you're at the corner store, pick up her favorite candy or gum.
  20. Order a book from Amazon from an author you know she loves.
  21. Pack her a lunch to take to work. Put it in a paper bag with a love-note. Include a small piece of chocolate.
  22. Come up with some pet names. Sure, you can call each other ‘baby’ or ‘honey’, but coming up with a nickname only you two get is cute and provides a little laugh. Studies have shown that nicknames are a sign of a strong relationship. 
  23. Pray together. If you're comfortable talking about it, discuss what you pray about.
  24. Repair something of hers that she hasn't gotten around to fixing (e.g., an old watch battery or a broken bracelet clasp).
  25. Say something positive—anything at all. Researchers have found that happy couples have a ratio of five positive comments to each negative comment.
  26. Send flowers to her office. It doesn't have to be expensive – anything fresh-cut will look pretty on her desk and remind her that you care. 
  27. Set out her coffee cup next to the coffee pot with creamer and sugar in the morning so all she has to do is pour and get out the door.
  28. Set time aside every day for mutual silence.
  29. Take out her yearbook. Ask about the people in it and what they meant to her.
  30. Tell her she looks sexy in that dress (pants, shorts, insert the appropriate item of clothing).
  31. Tell her she makes you a better person, and then tell her how.
  32. The next time a member of her family calls and you answer the phone, stay on the line and chat a minute before handing off the phone. She'll be touched that you want to speak to her relatives.
  33. The next time she does something that makes you mad, before you say something about it, stop and ask yourself, "What am I really angry about?" Little things can often be masks for deeper issues. If you decide it's a larger issue, hold your tongue and bring it up when you have calmed down. 
  34. The next time you hug her, reach around and squeeze her butt. It's the little things that keep it hot. 
  35. The next time you wake up before her, turn off the alarm clock and rouse her by kissing her forehead.
  36. Think of one quirky thing she does that you love and tell her about it.
  37. Use your body language (e.g., hands, eyes, mouth, etc.) to show her you're paying attention and listening when she talks to you.
  38. When she tells you something about her schedule, put it on your calendar so you can remember to ask about it (e.g., a big meeting at work, a doctor's appointment, lunch with an old friend, etc.).
  39. When she's tired from a long day of work, offer to watch a movie she loves but one that you wouldn't normally watch with her.
  40. Write love notes and put them places you know you're spouse will find them (e.g., coat pocket, jewelry box, silverware drawer, laptop keyboard, etc.).

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

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