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50 Ways To Be More Confident In Relationships: Tips For Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Do you feel like a "loser" when it comes to love relationships? Have you even felt so "unlucky in love" that you've simply given up and resigned yourself to living single for the rest of your life? If so, then take heart. It's not too late. Use some of the tips below to get yourself back into "the game."

50 ways to be more confident in love relationships:
  1. Accept yourself for who you are – as you are. This means you need to accept yourself, even if you think you see flaws.
  2. Be honest and believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will.
  3. Make eye-to-eye contact with the person you are talking to. 
  4. Practice good hygiene! 
  5. Always smile. A confident person always does. It shows that you aren't afraid of whatever lies ahead. 
  6. If you want company, invite a friend or someone you don't know that well to come over to your residence for a beer or coffee. It could be an awesome bonding experience!
  7. Having a sense of self-worth makes you more attractive to your partner. Do something to develop your sense of confidence. Whether you make a change to your physical appearance and get a new haircut, or learn a new activity, or take up a new sport, doing something active to boost your confidence level will help build your confidence in your relationship.
  8. Trying to maintain a false fa├žade is exhausting and confidence-eroding.
  9. Stop trying to compare yourself to unfair media images. A lifetime of trying to live up to what you are "supposed" to look like, according to the media, is a waste of a lifetime. 
  10. Nobody likes a poser, so don't try to be someone you're not.
  11. Tolerate insults with a grain of salt.
  12. Finish your degree, apply for the better job, or write that novel. If you have a good sense of your own self-worth, you’ll be confident in your relationship.
  13. Be aware of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Make sure your partner treats you with respect and courtesy. Don't settle for constant criticism or negative behaviors.
  14. Be affectionate. If your partner returns the affection, it’ll make you confident. If not, it’s time to find a new partner who is affectionate.
  15. Avoid the temptation to endlessly analyze other people.
  16. Assume yourself equal to everyone in the audience. 
  17. Whether you're male or female, getting a new outfit and haircut can make you feel fresh, cool and confident. Create a look that you like and that makes you feel good about yourself.
  18. Create a list of all your accomplishments. These accomplishments are things you did of your own free will. You do have the strength it takes to not only survive, but to succeed.
  19. Do things without your partner from time to time. Similarly, do fun and enjoyable activities with your partner. People who feel the lucky in their love relationships are often the ones who say they can do things both together – and apart.
  20. Do something which you are afraid to do (e.g., public speaking). If you hear a voice within you say "you can’t get up on stage and speak to an entire group of people," then by all means speak, and that voice will be silenced.
  21. Don’t compare your relationship to other people’s relationships. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and you never know what’s going on behind closed doors.
  22. Don’t let your relationships progress too far without discussing major issues. Having children, religious differences, whether either of you is willing to relocate for a job — these can be landmines in the future.
  23. Don’t let yourself become dependent on your partner. Know how to unclog the sink and change a tire. Skills are confidence boosters.
  24. Know that you would survive just fine, even if you weren't in a relationship with your current partner. You are with your partner because you choose to be, not because you need to be. 
  25. If anybody puts you down or makes fun of you, think it through and how silly the comment is. Make it feel like it's a joke, and you won't take the comment seriously.
  26. Have lots of outside interests apart from your relationship. When you start to feel insecure, it helps to have something else to obsess over.
  27. God doesn’t make junk – he made you exactly as you should be!
  28. Give your partner a little friendly competition from time to time (e.g., go bowling, play tennis).
  29. Focus on the positive. Positive self-talk will help you build self-confidence. 
  30. Find some affirmations that will help you and repeat them often to yourself. Affirmations are very powerful and need to be spoken as though they have already happened (e.g., "I am a very confident person …I can do anything I put my mind to").
  31. Every evening just before you go to bed, think to yourself at least ten times, "I’m a courageous person." This leaves a positive frame of mind inside of you and will make you feel more confident the next day.
  32. Don't underestimate yourself just because you're younger (or older) or smaller (or heavier) or make less money than your partner. Every time you find yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve this partner” …change it to, “I deserve a wonderful relationship and more.”
  33. Keep an individual identity, even when you are in a relationship.
  34. Don't be afraid to try something different. Remember that everyone has fear. You are not alone. 
  35. Don’t snoop unless you really have good reason not to trust your partner. Emails and voice mails taken out of context can cause a lot of unnecessary heartaches.
  36. Let go of emotional baggage. If your father told you your brother was the smarter one, or your gym teacher said you weren’t coordinated enough to make the basketball team, it doesn’t mean your partner thinks you’re stupid or uncoordinated now.
  37. Make a list of all the qualities you like about yourself. Maybe you are caring, generous, funny or smart. This will remind you of all the things you should love about yourself.
  38. Present your best self to your partner and the world. Don’t always go out dressed in sweats and don’t sleep in ratty T-shirts every night. When you look good, you probably feel good.
  39. “Pretend” that you are already confident. If you've ever wanted to be an actor, use that motivation now. You may know you're capable and competent, yet you may feel rather insecure, but by pretending that you're already confident, you can convince yourself. 
  40. Focus on your partner's positive qualities. Don't criticize him or her. Instead, offer compliments and reassurance, and the chances are higher that you will receive the same from him or her.
  41. Exercise. It reduces stress and releases endorphins.
  42. Walk and speak with confidence. This doesn't mean you should be arrogant or put on a show for others. Simply hold your head up high, feel free to speak your opinions and thoughts during a conversation. 
  43. Visualize yourself being congratulated on something you dream to achieve. Imagine the person shaking your hand and saying, "Well done." Hold a picture of you being successful, and chances are, it'll become a reality someday.
  44. Take a public speaking course. You might hate getting up in front of people, but there's no better way to jump start your confidence than by assuring yourself that you've got something to say, and people are listening.
  45. Surround yourself with people you love and who make you confident. Don't settle for less. The biggest thing that will make you feel good about yourself is if you are in a place where people support you.
  46. Skip the head-games and be up-front. If something’s bothering you, tell your partner directly. 
  47. Let your partner be himself or herself. 
  48. Don't try to completely merge with your partner. That would destroy your sense of self. You have to learn to be on your own and feel self-reliant before you can successfully be with another person.
  49. Even if you've always felt separate from others, know that if they don't like the real you, they are missing out.
  50. Reveal something embarrassing about yourself to your partner. Sharing secrets or things you are ashamed about with your partner can be helpful in establishing a feeling of security and intimacy. Self-disclosure is fundamental to a healthy relationship and can enhance your confidence in each other.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

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