Emotions are essentially feeling states that have important and often complex information about our life experience. “Emotional intelligence” is the term used to describe how well someone understands and uses their emotions for healthy living. Overall, an emotionally intelligent individual knows that emotions can be a signal to oneself, a motivator for action, a relationship monitor, and a signal to others.
Here are a few tips to help Asperger’s men understand their neurotypical wives/girlfriends:
1. The most important factor in any relationship is communication. If you refuse to open up, you will only make the lady in your life feel more insecure and uncertain about the relationship, and this will make her behavior seem that much more confusing to you.
2. Neurotypical females tend to make emotional decisions “in the moment” and rationalize them later. To them, logic comes second to feelings.
3. Listen to what your lady has to say. This requires staying silent on your part. You have probably conditioned yourself to look as though you're listening when, in fact, your mind is somewhere else entirely. Develop the habit of giving your wife or girlfriend your undivided attention. Most of the time you don't have to give any advice, because all she wants is to know that you care.
4. Talk to your lady. The next time the two of you have a disagreement, don’t give her the silent treatment. No matter how difficult it may be for you, let go of your pride and approach her for a genuine conversation. Ignoring her will only make you appear immature. If she asks you if something's wrong, don't give a shrug and say "nothing."
5. Let down your guard and confide in your lady about any life-changing events or experiences (e.g., death of a loved one). As you continue to share your inner-most emotions with her, you will notice the bond between you growing immensely. You will realize that, for females, sharing emotions and stories is an important part of a relationship.
6. It’s futile to rely on rational arguments with females. The golden rule is simple: change her feelings, not her thoughts. Asperger’s males fail to connect with their wives and girlfriends because they focus on what’s being said instead of what’s being felt. The secret to reasoning with females lies in addressing their emotions.
7. Walk a mile in your lady’s shoes. You will gain a much broader understanding of females in relationships if you simply take the time to acknowledge the struggles and disappointments that females face. Try to look at the world from a female viewpoint. As you become familiar with some of the hardships that females face, you will gain a much deeper understanding of their mind and heart. When that occurs, you will never be confused again.
8. Get out of your comfort zone. If you want to understand females in relationships, get ready to wear your heart on your sleeve. Most females expect their guys to be in touch with their own emotions as well. Learn to be open, expressing feelings frequently and genuinely.
9. Do some research on females and their feelings. Spend some time with your aunt, female cousin, female friend, grandmother, and sister and pick their brains. Don't be afraid to ask some pressing questions. You'll be surprised at how much you can learn about female behavior, habits, interests and desires just by spending time with your female friends and relatives.
10. Be patient with yourself as you begin the journey of “trying to understand the mind of a typical woman.”
Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples