Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise?
Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile.

Search This Blog

Recent Comments from Disturbed NT Partners of Asperger's Men

Anonymous... How he is constantly mis reading me and other situations. How he feels frustrated that he tries and tries, but still misses out, even in social settings. We have a LOT of communication issues. But since we have a son diagnosed with Aspergers, we at least have something we can hold on to. We understand what is going on, but fixing it is definitely a challenge. Many evenings are usually watching TV, working on the computer or flat out arguing nothing in between. We have tried therapy, but my husband doesn't see anything wrong with HIM! He lives by the adage if it isn't squeaking, then it doesn't need the grease, so it doesn't get attention. WE just talk about it all night and then forget about it until the next time. WE have been married for 15 years this way. Probably remain so for another 40 or so. Not healthy, but we are adapting.

Anonymous... I have been married to an aspie for 49 years. He has retired three times but keeps going back after a few months. He uses the excuse of credit card debt which I piled while searching for something to fill the void. It has been a sex less marriage for 20 years due time his health I guess. Now he has stage 4 cancer and is once again picking work over me. It is only a few days a week but I feel rejected (not a new feeling). I am hollow and so far beyond sad. I live on antidepressants and he just acts like life is fine.

Anonymous... My advice to all women neurotypicals married to Aspies, as described above, you are NOT happy, are struggling, getting picked on, dealing with fights and melt-downs, it does NOT get better - it gets worse! Get out early while you can have a life. You're not doing Anyone any favors - your Aspie husband and not yourself. You will end up regretting not having a life. Let your Aspie husband find an Aspie wife. You find a Neurotypical husband. Living with an Aspie husband is living with an abusive husband. Period. Do you want to be a victim of abuse? Get out early.

Anonymous... Everyone in an Aspie marriage - GET OUT NOW! It never gets better and only gets Worse. You deserve a life; you deserve to be treated well. You are dealing with abuse. Do you want to be a victim of abuse? You do not deserve to be constantly put-down, yelled at, and told it's your problem. That is abuse. GET OUT! Do NOT stay for the children, do not put up fronts, get out while you're young enough to start another life with normalcy, or you will look back and regret you had no life. Period. Let the Aspies marry other Aspies. You go get in a nurturing, caring relationship.

Anonymous... My soul has withered living in an NT-AS marriage for 24 years. I am drained of all life from within. I am exhausted (to say the least) from trying to figure out my husband, from being the social-interpreter for him (because he can be clueless here), from constantly protecting him from everyone who misunderstands his communications and facial expressions, from coaching him for 'normal' (neurotypical) behavior and interactions. I was literally losing my mind, when I came across an internet article titled "Effects of the differing neuro developmental levels" which tells exactly what the issues are. It is a somewhat a relief to know that experiences like mine are documented and studied and that help is available. What I need most now is to find a support group of NTs in my part of the world - India. I am praying I will find one.

Anonymous.. I'm an NT married for more than 20 years to an undx AS. Sought counseling for myself because he has me convinced I'm the one with anger issues, am overly controlling...and he is SO laid back, so the problem is with me, right? When I explain I'm stressed because he's been unemployed for the last several years, it's "my" problem that I don't understand this is "just temporary" -- no "yes, I can understand how that worries you, so what can I do to help ease your concerns?" When I stress that Anonymous... I'm responsible for the bills, household management, kids, cleaning, cooking, and now working because he doesn't, well it's my fault for "having high standards." Umm...preferring him to not pay bills anymore because he "forgets" and then we get fined for hundreds of dollars in late fees is a "high standard"? What freaks me out is that I've been working really hard to describe things rationally in hopes that helps him understand my perspective, and he gets so sidetracked in arguing where I'm wrong with my logic, that every conversation just devolves into a circle argument, with no resolution in sight. Frankly, it's depressing. My counselor is the one who picked up that he is AS (after meeting with him several times about "my issues"), and I've been doing tons of research and have been so relieved to say, "okay, now let's figure this out together." His response? He wants to "think about" for a while...so the silence about issues resolution just continues. I've decided at my next counseling session to let my therapist know I want to work on setting up healthy boundaries for me...after years of emotional need starvation, no sex, the majority of "life management" for us on my shoulders...I'm just exhausted.

Anonymous... This is an affliction - mental illness and It's more common than I thought after 30 years and surviving an Aspie marriage - without divorce, going to jail; compromising my relationship with the Most High; and creating a happy world of my own -- deserve a ribbon or something - we are all imperfect and have to put up with us as well - but this Aspergers is no joke! it deeply affects marriages in a way that can sometimes feel like emotional abuse -- Denial, pride and being high functioning; successful in his secular world makes the Cassandra syndrome my world- most folks won't believe what our world is like because NT wives help to protect and create a happy front for our families, kids and their families and our spiritual families - They of course have no clue and are just as content as it is - as long as I don't demand basic fundamentals - but I've never been the shut up and take it type of person- and unfortunately thru criticism as a way of fighting back have not made his world easy - so we continue to ride the roller coaster

Anonymous... I feel...it is such a lonely existence.. HE is my 2nd husband....all ''nice'' at first...dinners..weekends away..I saw a few mood swings etc....but because he is Diabetic type 1...I put them down to that. There were times when I said the ''wrong thing'' and he got angry..hands at my throat few times...broken dish...food thrown.....Then, when I had my2nd cancer..resulting in a mastectomy/chemo..hair loss etc..HE really changed. Would take me to chemo at the hospital...leave me there...pick me up after...take me home...and leave me to fend for myself. Of course... I have lost all of my libido....(Post menopause) and I take Tamoxifen every day ..only 1 yr to go on it) HE has been more withdrawn( if that is possible)because of NO sex..BUT he was never highly sexed anyway!! I cannot leave ..this is my home....I have been diagnosed as having a low depression..and will see a Psychologist....I have to learn to be stronger.....WHAT else can I do..?? 

Anonymous... I have been married for 17 years to my husband. I now understand that what I have called "socially inappropriate behavior" has a name called Aspergers. It has been complete hell for me and my family. I now understand that his brother and mother also share this diagnosis. The behavior I have been exposed to during our relationship has been devastating and painful. I have come to believe that my husband does not love me, but now I am seeing that he is wired differently and sees life much different than I. I began drinking to be comfortably numb and what he did and said and didn't do didn't hurt so much. I entered AA over a year ago and believed him when he said I was an alcoholic. I thought it would solve all of our problems and no realize that it is multifaceted. I do not know if my husband will be willing to accept this diagnosis, but I will hang in there and go to marital counseling and counseling for my son who has ADHD and possible aspergers. God bless to all who live in this situation.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for posting this. It's exactly what I am thinking all the time. Run, Forest, RUN!!!

    We've been together for 15 years and married for 10 years and it's getting worse and worse.

    The last couple of years I was very ill and bedridden, but HE was the one that changed the most in that situation. I ended up in a wheelchair and couldn't barely move, but he was the victim. He refused to go outside with me, so I had to stay inside for years or ask a friend or neighbor to take me outside for a walk when I had a few good hours.

    Not once did he encourage or comfort me, when I was crying. He was the one who was suffering the most, because his life was less fun.

    When I smile, he doesn't smile back.
    We rarely have sex (so no pregnancy too...) unless I make an appointment (boy, how I hate that). No hugs, no long kisses, no touches, no compliments, no encouragement, no positive conversations, no feelings, no smiling at me, no real eye contact. On the other hand, he can express negative experiences or feelings very well.

    It feels like the real me is disappearing more and more because of this. I can not live with his ASS, but it's hard to leave, however I will one day. It's a long process...

    The saddest part is: He can't help it! He does everything he CAN to make me happy, but those are all material things. Holidays, expensive presents (when I ask for a breakfast in bed for my birthday for example), taking me out (since I can walk by myself again).

    I know it's not unwillingness, he gives me all he can. And that makes it hard. I am everything he has! No friends, no hobbies, just me and his work/money.

    When I tell him that I'm gonna leave one day, he tries to be intimate and sweet for a few days - or sometimes weeks, but as soon as I smile, he seems relieved and goes back into his own world of negativity and silence.

    I need therapy to handle this f*cking loneliness and to make sure it's not me...

    ReplyDelete