P.S. We totally understand that these suggestions are easier said than done, as evidenced by some of the following comments:
• Anonymous… I'm a NT and my husband is an Aspie. It's getting incredibly hard to want to work with him, because it's like he doesn't want to help himself. He just wants me to ignore his immaturity, his laziness, his rituals and routine. Sorry people, but there's only so much a person can bare!
• Anonymous… I agree. It's not my responsibility to make him feel better or try and help him. I've had enough of trying to manage my life around it. Aspergers or not, life's too short to spend it accomodating someone else at your own expense.
• Anonymous… Yes, do not wait until you are 55 and run down sick woman from all the stress. there will be no thank you waiting anywhere.
• Anonymous… I agree, all points make sense but it all equates to a one sided relationship, whereby the NT is accommodating the Aspie. My husband is not diagnosed which I can only imagine makes it harder. I love him but cannot live without the care and empathy I deserve. I have no idea how a relationship can be a success without the NT partner being neglected. Sadly we are about to get divorced and I am devastated.
• Anonymous… issues that I have a baby which his parents love but my partner can't be left alone with as he hasn't got a clue. His parents don't believe he's got asbergers even when he's been diagnosed his mum has mothered him all his life his obsessions take over everything I have a mortgage and his parents are my free child care and respite my relationship if you can call it that is disappearing as I can't be intimate anymore with been his main carer he's just another big kid I think he might be a friend now I have no idea cause I'm confused to how I feel about him but I feel like I am a single mother using his family to survive and live. While he just does wat he pleases and I get no leisure time
• Anonymous… Wow, this sounds a lot like me. Neither my husband nor I are diagnosed, but I am pretty sure we are both aspies (our middle daughter is diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum). My poor husband has to take care of me. He is much higher functioning than I am. Something the article doesn't really touch on, (or maybe it is something that only I specifically deal with) is that I *want* to help. I *want* to be more than a burden to my husband. But if outside triggers and stressors are too much to bear, I seem to lose access to a number of my executive functions and all I can do is sink into my childish obsessions and interests to try to hold the terrible anxiety at bay so I don't go mad from the stress and panic. This can go on for months until things calm down and I can reestablish routines. I know it is hard on my husband, as it must be for the women whose spouses are requiring so much mothering. I wish I knew what could be done to help with getting the stressors to quit shutting down executive functions in aspies :(
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==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples