Emotionally-guarded people raise their shields to protect against exposing their vulnerabilities. They are afraid that by dropping their shield, they will be humiliated.
So as you can see, you will likely choose only one of two options here: You will either (1) continue to risk your heart until you find a satisfying relationship, thus improving your self-esteem, or (2) continue to hide your heart to avoid getting hurt, thus settling for low self-esteem and superficial relationships (which aren’t very satisfying).
• t 3:43 PM ...This catch has a catch. It's true that the only way to experience success in relationship is to take a risk. However, to someone with a low self-esteem, the more times she gets hurt, the lower her self-esteem drops. The risk of getting hurt increases as one's self-esteem drops. This catch-22 may increase suicidal feelings.
• J 7:27 PM ...Hi,I am an aspie adult male of 38yrs with considerable relationship difficulties.I have been in this relationship approx 4yrs.I am currently on the verge of wether the relationship will work or fail.From what I have gathered from my partner is that I am not very emotionally supportive,Touchy-Feely or verbally emotional...ie 1.She always tells me she loves me first,To which I reply love you too.I never say it first as I seem vulnerable inside myself,Therefore she finds that upsetting.When she asks me if I love her I reply with,Course I love you. But then she'll ask me,Do you really,Really love me? and I just get confused and feel like a fish out of water.Personally i'm not really sure I understand the concept of love the way she does,Thusly making me feel all the more inferior. 2.I don't mind having the odd cuddle, But too much makes me feel suffocated and just want her to get off.I do put up with it through grinded teeth sometimes,But other times its just too much to bear. 3.Whenever she has friends round she'll tell me soppy stuff in front of them and I cannot retort.I feel like the whole worlds eyes are burning down on me.Again feeling like a failure.So just say okay and walk out the room. 4.I don't know if this is really an aspie trait,But I am extremely private,And If I have an issue that I need to discuss with her and she has no solution,She will ask her family and friends willy-nilly and I feel massively exposed,Then I get that I don't tell her anything... Could anybody offer some advice to me please??? I'm hoping i'm not the only one to be experiencing dilemmas like this,I keep going round and round in my head that I don't get it,Therefore consider myself stupid because of the lack of intellect/emotion in these areas.Don't mean to sound childish,But would like to know i'm not alone with things like this...lol. Many thanks and kind regards to all.J
• Unknown 1:28 PM ...This is very true to me. My husband and I have been married 22 years, but are just now exploring Aspergers as a giagnoses for him. I felt suicidle a few weeks ago and reached out to a friend. I didn't talk with H about it because he had dealt with suicidle feelings and I didn't want to burden him. My takeaway was that something needs to change for both of us so that we can stop just surviving and feel joy together. This is hard.
• Kallya of Random Death 8:51 PM ...I have an issue with tying a free of being hurt with low self esteem. Not all fears and human reaction is tired to what they think of themselves. I mean I often find I like me, I really do but I can understand when the world doesn't seem to feel the same way about me. Or more directly the world doesn't seem to give the same weight to what I value. I also know my son is often confuse at the world's reaction to him. I do keep things hidden but it because I can have a hard time handling over whelming emotion and from my perspective the world in general didn't know how to handle such reactions either. I remember once at camp some people said so r nice things to me and I cried for an hour. No one knew what to do with and I could really explain to them why my emotion where so over whelming.