If you find that some people are critical of you for saying what you said here, and for feeling the way you do now, then they haven’t been through a similar challenge – they have no frame of reference and truly do not understand your pressures. They can’t imagine being in your situation. As a result, they may tend to minimize your predicament, asserting that the problem is your attitude and resentment-level rather than your husband’s "hurtful" behavior (which may very well be unintentional on his part – after all, he still has a “disorder”).
If you've repeatedly confronted your Asperger’s husband about his behavior and things haven't improved, you need to draw a line to accept that you've done as much as you possibly could to improve relations with him. There's no more thought that you need to give to the situation. Don't overanalyze your behavior or his. He may truly WANT to “change,” but may be unable to meet your needs due to his disorder. So, move on with your life and restore your sanity. Stop beating up on yourself for feeling the way you do. In this way, I believe you will be able to heal and let go of resentment.
Let me share what one neurotypical wife said about how to cope with an Asperger's husband (who at one time was feeling similar to how you feel now):
“I know EXACTLY how you feel. This is my life in a nutshell. One thing that helps me is to write my thoughts and feelings down, then have him read them. This gives me time to calm down and think about how I want to say something. Also, you need to give logical reasons for things, at least I do. For example:
'I need you to take out the trash because I'm cooking dinner' ... 'It upsets me when you ignore me for video games because it makes me feel like you'd rather play games than be married to me. I'm asking for help because I can't do everything myself' ... 'You cook, I clean. This is our agreement' ... 'You can't be around chemicals, so you have to sweep, vacuum, and do the laundry.'
Getting emotional usually frustrates and/or shuts my husband down. Once I learned to take a step back, breathe, and think of a reasonable argument in a calm, low tone, things got SO much better. I'm a hot-tempered Texan, so it's not 100%. Ask him what he needs. That really changed my relationship.”
There's always hope. Please remember that :)
Best of luck!
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA