Does Your Boyfriend Have ASD?

“I’ve been reading about asperger syndrome and high functioning autism recently. I think my boyfriend may have a mild form of it. I’ve looked at all the diagnostic criteria, and I’m not sure he fits in perfectly. But that is hard to diagnose since I’m not a professional. I was hoping someone might point me in the right direction. I’m not sure if this is just some personality issue, or something bigger. But I swear he has some social problems whether it is asperger or not. How can I know for sure what I’m dealing with?”

So, you think your boyfriend may have ASD (high-functioning autism)? Well, here is an informal quiz that may shed some light on the subject:

Does your boyfriend have:

• a discriminatory sense of smell and taste
• a preference for following instructions and abiding by rules
• a tendency to be very literal in his understanding
• an ability to see in detail, or an inability to see the whole because of too much detail
• an apparent lack of empathy
• an extreme sensitivity to touch, textures and pressures, or a need for stronger textures and increased pressure
• either an acute sense of hearing or the inability to hear clearly
• extensive knowledge about a single topic
• inflexible routines
• the tendency to care way too much about organizing stuff
• the tendency to need other people to provide clear schedules and expectations
• trouble describing basic emotions
• trouble displaying emotion
• trouble figuring what is appropriate in social situations
• trouble understanding other people’s emotions

Does your boyfriend find it difficult to:

• engage in or understand small talk
• maintain eye contact
• show empathy and understand of others
• speak untruths in order not to offend
• understand body language and facial expressions
• understand personal space
• understand sarcasm, jokes, irony 
• understand social rules which are not based on logic
• understand the complexities of interpersonal relationships
• understand verbal communication without corresponding verbal cues (e.g., notes, diagrams)

Is your boyfriend:

• anxious by change, spontaneity and unplanned events
• experiencing difficulties in comprehending abstract concepts (e.g., formality, spontaneity, fun, anxiety)
• experiencing difficulties in coping with the unknown (e.g., new people, new places, new situations)
• experiencing difficulties in remembering sequences without prompts (e.g., diary, personal planner, alarm)
• obsessed with a special interest, place or person
• reluctant to use his own initiative

Are there times when your boyfriend can seem:

• thoughtless
• self-centered
• rude
• lost in his own world
• eccentric
• depressed
• disorganized
• anxious
• aggressive
• absent-minded
• abrupt

But there are positives involved as well. For example, many people with Asperger’s possess the following traits:

• direct, open and honest
• excellent memory
• high level of vocabulary
• mathematical and technical skills
• precision and attention to detail

If any of the above sounds familiar, then you may be dealing with a boyfriend on the autism spectrum. Of course, the only way to know for sure is for him to seek a formal diagnosis.

Unfortunately, another fairly common trait of  men with ASD (undiagnosed) is “denial” that they may have the disorder. So, don’t expect him to run to their nearest diagnostician for an assessment any time soon. 

 

In fact, it would NOT be surprising if he became offended that you “think” he may have autism. If this turns out to be the case, be prepared for him to get defensive - and possibly blame YOU for any relationship problems the two of you may be facing.

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism  

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples and Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives