We polled 35 women who are in relationships with Asperger’s men. The question was: "What would be the #1 thing that your Asperger's partner or spouse does/says that you find helpful to the relationship?" Here are their responses:
- Every month he remembers my cell phone needs a new straight talk card, he buys and puts the refill on my phone, I never have to worry I won't have a phone.
- Hard worker--110% into supporting us--and into loving our family. Loves, understands and cares for animals. Takes care of our cars. Takes kids fishing and to museums so I can recharge; also supports my women tribe relationships, acknowledging I really need them. Cares in that child-like, unconditional way.
- He does his best for our family. (It may not be *The* best, but it's always *His* best!)
- He found out things I liked (such as backrubs) and used every opportunity to give me one, even if we were just hugging. Oh, and he was ALWAYS there for me when I needed to vent about something or needed help with a project. And he supported me in my hobby by going to jewelry making classes or bead shows with me on occasion.
- He is always honest and he has a very strong work ethic both at work and when I need help at home.
- He is always honest, he would never hurt me on purpose, he has a huge heart and always tries to help with logical explanation, he wants fairness for everyone.
- He is completely genuine. He never has an ulterior motive, I am never guessing why he is doing something. He doesn't play games with anyone and is never intentionally mean to anyone. People he doesn't care for he just avoids. He is always sincere in what he says and does.
- He is loyal and is very helpful in fixing our cars and fixing things around the house.
- He is stable, faithful, and predictable.
- He is the most honest person I know. I never have to guess what he is feeling, thinking, wants, or needs. He does not play games or have a secret hidden agenda. I find this incredibly refreshing.
- He is very devoted!
- He makes sure my car is always safe for me. From keeping up with oil changes to tire pressure, I never have to worry that I'm in an unsafe vehicle.
- He tries. Never had a man that has actively tried to make me so happy.
- He went back to his ex after they ended things and asked her to tell it to him straight. She gave him a lot of good tips and he is a great partner now. I thank her for that.
- He will do house chores and help me with taking the girls out so I can have stress free alone time.
- He works so hard to keep me happy and let me know I'm loved.
- He's always willing to help if I ask him. He has a great sense of humour.
- He's honest, loyal and he makes me laugh with his silliness. He has a lovely innocence to him which makes him so refreshing and when he 'shows' me love I know it's because he wants to and not because he feels he has too. Means so much more x
- He's loyal and always tries to give me what I need emotionally whenever I ask. He wants our kid’s childhoods to be better than his was.
- His good intentions, if he knows the right thing to do he will do it, very high principles
- I'm an Asperger Female Married to an Aspie Male. I think he's my half. He's the most altruistic and kind person and I he doesn't harbor ulterior motives like most people do. The most patient, sensitive, loyal man I've ever met. He thinks I'm Paradox the same ways I do.
- Loyal and gentle
- Loyal, has good intentions, stable, good provider
- My husband is very good at problem-solving and finding things.
- My husband is very very funny, and super fun to talk to because he is super intelligent. He reads a lot especially on internet. He is a good person and means well, BUT HAS NO IDEA how his behavior affects others, which is where the problems lie.
- Once he understands what's needed he does it to the nth degree, but it can take years (literally) for him to get it e.g. Turfing the garden.
- Predictable, good work ethic and excellent provider, loves his kids and is always gentle with them, never raises his voice.
- Problem solving and being a font of knowledge!
- Stable, loyal, predictable.
- Successful career so I only have to work part time. Financial stability.
- The most helpful thing he does for the relationship is everything, Thing is the operative word there. He is a great task doer! Loyal Laborer!
- Very clever. Strong man who has always provided for us well. Very practical. What he doesn't understand, he will teach himself and then do it to perfection. He has a deep love for our dogs. He adores them. .and shows it!!! He can't do that with humans so it's nice to see how much they mean to him.
- What really attracted me to him was he was THE smartest guy in the class or anywhere, still is. I love nerds; always wanted to marry the smartest guy I could find, and I did.
- Wonderful caretaker of our 3 cats and 2 dogs.
As one NT wife states: “This is beautiful to read. There is so much negativity out there, it's lovely to hear how the positives are observed and appreciated by partners and spouses. My Aspie was the most amazing person I ever met. He would remember everything - and but the most amazing birthday cards for everyone, so special. He was the most amazing father - bringing home small gifts or chocolates for our boys every payday. I never needed to forget anything because he had it all under control. He would look at the TV guide, and highlight all of the things he thought we would like to watch together. He was hopeless at banking!!! I lost him 13 years ago to cancer, and miss his amazing knowledge, compassion and humour every day. Our boys do as well xxx”
==> As an NT partner, are you tired of all the negativity around AS and high-functioning autism? Here are a lot of positives that can be associated with the disorder, in case you were wondering...
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA