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Why Some NT Women Refuse to Date Men with Asperger’s

There's nothing wrong with getting rejected by a woman you have an eye out for. It happens all the time. But some guys with Asperger’s seem to have a lot of difficulty in this area (i.e., winning and keeping a girlfriend).

Here are the top 15 reasons NT women turn down Aspie men:

1.  Due to a series of bad childhood experiences, many men with Asperger’s have very low self-esteem. As a result, their “relationship-building” confidence level is a 1 on a scale of 1 – 10, and the perceptive woman picks up on this.

2.  Due to past social failures, some of these men have an attitude towards dating that is generally very negative. This attitude gets conveyed at an almost unconscious level - and is a turn-off.

3.  Their approach throws the women off-guard (e.g., either came on too passively or too aggressively).

4.  Their conversational skills, displays of empathy, and eye-contact are lacking (in her estimation).

5.  Their looks don’t match the woman’s standards (e.g., too casual of clothing, disheveled hair, etc.).

6.  They (falsely) pretend to not to be interested in sex.

7.  They come off as either too independent or too needy.

8.  Some Asperger’s men don’t put themselves out there enough – not by a longshot. In other words, they’re impatient because the whole process is taking too long, and therefore, do not give the “law of averages” enough time to work.

9.  They have an attachment to being rejected. That is, they identify themselves with disappointment, disapproval, and rejection because it has happened so many times before (e.g., a self-fulling prophecy becomes manifest).

10.  They present themselves as “too nice,” which comes off as fake and disingenuous.

11.  They push for a “one-night stand.” This conveys that you are not really the committed type.

12.  Some Aspie men think that all they have to do to win her over is to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, it takes MUCH MORE than that.

13.  They try to be “friend.” She already has friends – she’s probably looking for a “lover.”

14.  The Aspie tries to get the woman to like him before she is attracted to him.

15.  Many of these men wait too long to “make a move.” So, she gets bored and bails out.

Here are some resources that may benefit the chronically rejected male Aspie:


  1. I have autism, and sadly have found that i cant deal with the level of diffuculty of life, and trying to make friends, or find a girlfriend has always been my dream, id give up my eternsl salvation if i could trade it for the chance to have a girlfriend, even if it only would last a few days. But sadly it wont happen because society is build against men with autidm, to society, we are trash, defective, broken garbage. The 1 thing i now desire more than even salvation, is to die as young as possible so my suffering and lonliness can finally end.

    1. I completely understand what you’re saying Derek.
      I’m living proof of it.
      I have Asperger’s Syndrome and I have tried every therapy, support group, countless social events, medication, you name it.
      I am unable to attract women and what makes me cringe, is that they use PC culture tactics as a polite expression of their rejection of me.
      I’m probably going to die prematurely due to the toxic stress of being inferior to the neurotypical population.
      That’s if I don’t commit suicide as I’ve strongly considered.
      People will lie to us and tell us that we should have hope because they don’t want to offend us by telling us the truth.
      People are patronizing and condescending towards us.
      Neurotypical people will use their BS talking points like “there’s no such thing as normal” or “there’s nothing wrong with being different” and that shows their denial.
      It’s deeply insulting to hear those types of comments because the neurotypical population has no clue what it’s like being on the spectrum.
      I don’t want to lie to you because this is a deeply personal issue that affects both of us.
      You and I are incapable of finding romance and it’s not our fault.
      It’s society that we need to blame and the stigma that NT women follow.
      I’m truly sorry that you are also dealing with this horrific reality.

  2. I felt the same 10 years (i was 24) ago but then I got a girlfriend and it's been better. Don't give up or be so quick to judge. Try not to do the black and white thinking that people on the spectrum are prone to doing too, it doesn't help.


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