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Understanding Your Husband with Asperger Syndrome

Life is like a complex puzzle for men with Aspergers (high functioning autism). If you know that your partner is suffering from this disorder, be patient with him. With time, you will be able to see why his behavior (that seems inappropriate to you) is the only right way for him to react.

Once married, the true characteristics of Aspergers become more noticeable. Maybe your partner’s constant need to be reminded of things, or the way he lost track of time was cute when dating, but not now that you're married! You may become angry as you wonder why - after so many years of being together - that your spouse still can't understand what you are saying or understand your feelings.

At times, the partner with Aspergers may appear egotistical, selfish, or uncaring, when in fact this is not the case. Aspergers is a neurological condition in which a person is often unable to understand the emotions of others. Those with the disorder are not intentionally being mean or uncaring, they just can't interpret other people's feelings adequately or figure out the sarcasm in their speech. Usually they are surprised and embarrassed when finding out their actions were rude or hurtful.

While it was nice to have your partner's unwavering attention when dating, a married couple needs the socialization of others. Many women are surprised how unsociable their spouse with Aspergers may be, or how inappropriate his comments may be.

Some women may not even know their partner is affected by Aspergers. They may believe he just doesn't care enough to change or make a big enough effort to save the relationship. For those who do discover the possibility of Aspergers, or for those who have already been diagnosed, they have a better chance at making the relationship work.

Part of understanding Aspergers is to know that people with the condition are not intentionally trying to frustrate their partner. They are not trying to ignore their spouse when they get so wrapped up in a particular hobby or interest. They don't mean to be rude when the wrong things come out of their mouth at the wrong time.

Adults with Aspergers may have certain rituals or routines. They may hate surprises or not be able to handle changes. They may not be able to remember the little things, and they may be easily distracted. All of these characteristics are not meant to hurt anyone.

In living with an Aspergers partner, accepting the differences that come with it is crucial. No relationship is perfect, and neither is one with Aspergers. Husbands and wives both must work to make any relationship work. Having a better understanding of Aspergers is usually the “saving point” in a conflicted marriage.

Together, couples can work out a better understanding of one another and learn how to better communicate and to send clearer messages to each other. For a successful relationship, knowing that their spouse with Aspergers really does care makes all the difference.

Most Asperger men are reliable and responsible people. They work hard and are good providers for their families. In adulthood, Asperger males don't try to meet the obligations society has for men in general. They can be quite happy to help clean and cook. Most of the time when asked, they are more than willing to help out with whatever task is needed …all you have to do is ask.

Having said the above, it's VERY common for the NT wife to feel hurt by her "Aspie's" lack of insight into how relationships are "supposed" to work. As on wife stated, "Just because it isn't on purpose, doesn't mean it's not hurtful, neglectful, or at times abusive."




==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA

1 comment:

  1. In the video you say there is a lot to gain. I’m doubting between Reading your e-book, or not wanting to get into it, because i tried soo hard and nothing worked and it was terrible and i don’t want any hurt anymore. And I’m afraid that if I open myself Up again to understand what’s going on and to make a change, even if promised it Will be better if i Do. I Don’t know, i Just simply don’t believe it anymore. I don’t believe my partner can change and I’m not willing to accept him the way he is. Like you said in the video. The thing what I am afraid of, is to open myself Up again while I don’t have faith in anything will change. I’am tired of him being my Child, or my father. But never my partner. I’am tired of trying, and I am scared to put my trust in anything to make the relationship better, because even After a year of separation I see rarely any change in His behaviour. And i can not accept him to treat me like that. I need to protect myself from him hurting me. I need to better take care of myself. Deep, deep, deep down inside I want the relationship to work, But it is just not there. And I am telling myself constantly: how stupid can you be to gain hope in promises, where actions never followed? Why on earth am I still getting hope every time he tells me he is going to change? I never seen him change. Never. I wish he would stop holding me on a line, telling me that change will come. But it never comes. Why would it now? It’s like you say in the video: I can’t let it Go, I don’t understand, and i am still looking for answers, while actually I should let it Go. (That’s What would be better for me I guess) I should run away and move on. But I just don’t get it. And it frustrates me. And it seems like a very scary thing to do at the moment, Reading your E-book. And i don’t know if I have the courage to do it. Because if it is True what you say in the video then I will get New hope. And hope is killing me. I just don’t want to get dissapointed again. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’ve had enough.

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