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What to Do When Your NT Wife Insists You Have Asperger’s


Does your partner suspect that you have and autism spectrum disorder? Do you feel that she blames you for most of the relationship problems due to this "disorder"? Have you felt that she uses this "label" as a weapon against you?

Take this informal quiz to see if you should pursue a formal diagnosis. If you answer ‘Yes’ to most of these questions (approx. 75%), then your spouse may be right.

"I either have the following traits, or I have been accused of having them":

1.    “Conflict-resolution” seems impossible?
2.    According to her, I am very insensitive, uncaring, and selfish?
3.    Anxiety is a common state for me to be in?
4.    Being in this relationship seems very difficult and complicated?
5.    Even if we are physically together, there is an emotional distance that leaves my wife feeling alone?

6.    Even though I like having a “companion,” it does create stress for me?
7.    Her expectations keep changing?
8.    Her feelings are all over the map and change from minute to minute?
9.    I am easily stressed by some social situations?
10.    I am mostly interested in my special activity rather than spending time with my wife?

11.    I can be “self-absorbed”?
12.    I can get defensive easily?
13.    I demonstrate my feelings of love through my actions rather than words or physical affection?
14.    I don’t exactly know what she expects of me?
15.    I don’t fully understand the nature of give-and-take in conversations?

16.    I don’t like making commitments to other people?
17.    I don’t like pressure or expectations put on me?
18.    I feel anxious when unpredictable situations occur or when things change?
19.    I find it difficult to empathize?
20.    I find it impossible to sense what my wife is feeling?

21.    I have difficulty talking about my emotions?
22.    I have had a hard time holding onto a job?
23.    I have trouble making the connection between what she is feeling - and what I have done [or not done] to hurt her?
24.    I like talking about my special interest – a lot!?
25.    I need long periods of solitude and quiet time?

26.    I need structure and routine?
27.    I often cut her off and change the subject when she is in mid-sentence?
28.    I often deny there is a problem with our relationship?
29.    I often fail to follow through with what I have agreed to do?
30.    I often worry that I’m not capable of being a good husband?

31.    I did put some effort into it “winning her” – but now do not put much effort in “keeping her”?
32.    I sometimes suffer from sensory overload?
33.    I tend to stay in my rational mind most of the time?
34.    I usually don’t like to socialize?
35.    I usually have trouble talking with my wife about emotional issues?

36.    I’m more comfortable with old friends than new ones?
37.    I’ve had significant relationships problems long before I met my wife?
38.    Making compromises is difficult for me?
39.    My best efforts in the relationship still don’t please her?
40.    My wife believes that she has made more adjustments to me over the years than I have to her?

41.    My wife claims she is depressed and “emotionally damaged” due to our relationship?
42.    My wife complains that she feels like she has to “mother” me?
43.    Our relationship was passionate in the beginning, but the passion has dwindled over the years?
44.    Our sex life has stalled?
45.    She always tries to change me?

46.    She claims that I am lazy and don’t contribute enough (e.g., with chores)?
47.    She has said I am narcissistic?
48.    She is a very complicate and difficult person?
49.    She is usually disappointed whenever her birthday or our anniversary occurs?
50.    She is very “needy” and “clingy”?

51.    She often says she’s not important to me?
52.    Sometimes, even neutral conversations with my wife can seem like an attack or a criticism?
53.    This relationship is often “messy?”
54.    When she wants to “talk” about our problems, I immediately get worried that it’s going to turn into another fight?
55.    When we argue, I tend to view my wife as illogical and neurotic?

 
=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA 

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

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