Blog for Individuals and Neurodiverse Couples Affected by ASD
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95 Videos by Mark Hutten, M.A. : "Understanding Your Partner or Spouse on the Autism Spectrum"
Traits You May Witness When Your ASD Spouse Is Super-Smart but Lacks “Social Common Sense"
==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA
Comprehensive List of Traits That You’re Likely to See in Your Partner/Spouse on the Autism Spectrum
This is an informal assessment for neurotypicals (NTs) to investigate whether or not their romantic partner may have Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism:
5. Avoids socializing or small talk, on and off the job
87. Perfectionism
111. Sleep difficulties
121. Susceptibility to distraction
==> Learn more about your AS partner's way of thinking, feeling and behaving...
=> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA
Why Your Partner with ASD Thinks and Behaves the Way He/She Does
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
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Why Your Partner on the Autism Spectrum Drifts Away From the Relationship
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
What ASD Partners Need to Learn and Practice to Save Their Troubled Relationships

Well, first of all, if the spouse with ASD is struggling in his/her relationship, I will have to work with both parties. But I do prefer to have a few sessions with just the AS partner beforehand, in which case, we will work largely on social skills and the development of emotional reciprocity.
Asperger's (high functioning autism), like classic autism, falls on a continuum of symptoms and impairment. Usually, it includes an exclusive focus on one area of interest, particularly of a non-social nature. The ability to empathize with his “significant other” and her circumstances is the main area in which social skills get compromised.
Social skills can be improved, and an awareness of social signifiers do make a big difference in the AS person’s ability to relate at a deeper level with his/her spouse. Sometimes called interpersonal training, the approach consists of two dimensions:
- The individual is taught to understand communicative cues, and how to send and receive them in a contextually appropriate manner (e.g., active listening, eye contact, nodding to register comprehension, paraphrasing, learning to ask open-ended questions, learning to disclose opinions, experiences, and feelings in a reciprocal manner).
- Learning interpersonal skills and gaining emotional insight (e.g., managing anxiety, self-criticism, depression, anger, and avoidance in social circumstances).
The first dimension gets most of the attention, but the second dimension is most important, because you might learn a "skill," but feel too much anxiety, depression, or critical self-consciousness to implement it.
By developing emotional muscles, which consists of displaying creative optimism, self-acceptance, and an acceptance of others with whom one disagrees with, the individual on the autism spectrum can learn some specific social skills and cultivate a deeper level of emotional intelligence.
==> Learn more about why your partner/spouse on the autism spectrum thinks, feels and behaves the way he/she does...
More resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
==> Videos to help you understand your partner on the autism spectrum...
The "Magic Bullet" For ASD Men Who Are In The Doghouse With Their NT Wives
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LISTEN - PARAPHRASE - IMPLEMENT |
==> Audio Clip: Learn the fine art of LPI
*** My email: mbhutten@gmail.com ***
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
When You Want to "Talk" and Your Spouse with ASD Wants to Leave

It’s such a paradox when the neurotypical wife gets to the point where she has numerous unresolved issues that relate to her ASD husband that she feels compelled (for good reason) to complain loudly and angrily in a desperate attempt to simply get her point across and to get him connected to her - and to be a team player in the relationship!
But here is where it becomes a paradox: The more she expresses emotion, especially troubling emotions, and gets loud, assertive - and even aggressive and demanding, the more he shuts down and withdraws both cognitively and emotionally. This, in turn, exacerbates the problem and extends the period of time that any resolve to the relationship problems can occur.
The wife, by nature, is the nurturer and wants the relationship to grow and deepen with increasing intimacy and bonding over time. The ASD husband, who is not as interested in a deeper social and emotional connection due to his developmental disorder, and whose social-emotional brain is less developed compared to his logical brain, often finds that “going deeper” into the relationship requires skills that he does not have.
I hear this phrase so often from these men: “I really try to make her happy, but it doesn’t matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m always in trouble with her.” This mind-set creates a negative cycle that looks similar to this:
- he feels like he is always in the doghouse
- this causes him to feel highly unsafe in the relationship
- this in turn raises his anxiety
- which then increases his search for anxiety-reduction techniques
- and unfortunately, the techniques include disconnection, detachment, and often isolation; in many cases, his wife has become his major source of stress
Of course, this cycle results in the neurotypical wife feeling unloved and abandoned, which then increases her sense of desperation - and an even stronger drive to reestablish the connection and bond with her husband. And it’s at this point the cycle just starts all over again.
So now the question becomes, “What can be done?”
In working with couples over the years, I’m finding that there is no “magic bullet” when the division between the two parties has reached this level of severity. However, a good “first start” in healing the relationship involves teaching the husband on the spectrum some simple social skills, as well as devising a tailored communication strategy for the couple that is (a) sensitive to the ASD husband’s anxiety, and (b) sensitive to the NT wife’s need for emotional reciprocity.
Examples of some simple, yet super effective social skills that can be taught include:
- The art of paraphrasing what was heard
- Reflective listening
- Non-verbal communication
- Learning how to pay attention to body language
- Identifying and replacing negative thoughts and self-talk
- Assertiveness
- Asking open-ended questions
- and other general conversation skills …just to name a few.
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
When Your Neurotypical Spouse Accuses You of Being Narcissistic
Self-Help Strategies for Alexithymia—
- Group Psychotherapy: The interactive aspect of group therapy will offer you ways to explore your thoughts and feelings – and experience meaningful exchanges with your NT partner.
- Hypnosis and Relaxation Training: This uses guided imagery and mentalizations to help you enhance emotional understanding.
- Journaling: Expressive writing can be helpful in stretching your ability to detect emotions. You should write every day in a journal with the goal of broadening the range of your observations within - and outside - of yourself. [See below]
- Reading Novels: The language of describing thoughts, feelings and experiences is usually found in all novels. This is a great way to learn expressive language, develop the skill of receptive language, and gain expertise in how to describe a story or personal narrative.
- Skill-Based Psychotherapy Treatments: This therapy aims to teach through skill building (e.g., Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Mindfulness Training, Short Term Interpersonal Therapy). These will teach you how to be more attentive to personal feeling-states and how to identify emotions in other people.
- Expressive Arts: This is a more formal approach with an acting, dance, art, music, or movement therapy class that will help you to recognize and externalize emotions.
Journaling:
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Click to enlarge |
==> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA
Your Partner of the Autism Spectrum is a "Rationale-Dependent" Thinker
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Chronic, Invasive Thinking-Patterns in People on the Autism Spectrum

Oftentimes, they are either (a) ruminating about a past stressful event, or (b) worrying about the potentiality of a future stressful event, or (c) they are experiencing stress in the present moment - the event that’s occurring now.
We all have random unwanted thoughts that show up in our head without permission - automatic thoughts. But, I have a ton of anecdotal evidence that the autistic brain seems to run on auto-pilot without the user’s permission pretty much 24 seven.
==> More talking points from Mark Hutten, M.A. -- Relationships Affected by AS and HFA
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Anxiety Associated with Excessive Verbal Instruction and Performing Mundane Tasks
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Low Social-Emotional Intelligence and Confusion Around Prioritized Allegiance
“My husband with Asperger seems to have a better relationship with his mother than with me… certainly more intimacy and consideration there. I don’t mean in a sexual nature of course. But he and his mother or like buddies and I’m kind of like the outsider in that group.”
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Toxic Guilt and Toxic Shame: The Autistic Dilemma
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Failed Neurotypical-Adaptation, Neuroticism, and Monomania in People on the Autism Spectrum
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
Resources for ASD-NT Couples
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