This is an informal assessment for neurotypicals (NTs) to investigate whether or not their romantic partner may have Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism:
1. Abrupt and strong expression of likes and dislikes
2. An apparent lack of “common sense”
3. Anxiety
4. Apparent absence of relaxation, recreational, or “time out” activities OUTSIDE of his/her "special interest"
5. Avoids socializing or small talk, on and off the job
6. Bad or unusual personal hygiene
7. Balance difficulties
8. Bizarre sense of humor (often stemming from a “private” internal thread of humor being inserted in public conversation without preparation or warming others up to the reason for the “punchline”)
9. Bluntness in emotional expression
10. Clumsiness
11. Compelling need to finish one task completely before starting another
12. Concrete thinking
13. Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance, despite recognition and commendation
14. Deliberate withholding of peak performance due to belief that one’s best efforts may remain unrecognized, unrewarded, or appropriated by others
15. Dependence on step-by-step learning procedures (note: disorientation occurs when a step is assumed, deleted, or otherwise overlooked in instruction)
16. Depression
17. Difficulty in starting a project
18. Difficulty with unstructured time
19. Difficulty expressing anger (i.e., either excessive or “bottled up”)
20. Difficulty in accepting compliments, often responding with quizzical or self-deprecatory language
21. Difficulty in accepting criticism or correction
22. Difficulty in assessing cause and effect relationships (e.g., behaviors and consequences)
23. Difficulty in assessing relative importance of details (an aspect of the trees/forest problem)
24. Difficulty in distinguishing between acquaintance and friendship
25. Difficulty in drawing relationships between an activity or event and ideas
26. Difficulty in estimating time to complete tasks
27. Difficulty in expressing emotions
28. Difficulty in forming friendships and intimate relationships
29. Difficulty in generalizing
30. Difficulty in handling relationships with authority figures
31. Difficulty in imagining others’ thoughts in a similar or identical event or circumstance that are different from one’s own (“theory of mind” issues)
32. Difficulty in interpreting meaning to others’ activities
33. Difficulty in judging distances, height, depth
34. Difficulty in learning self-monitoring techniques
35. Difficulty in negotiating either in conflict situations or as a self-advocate
36. Difficulty in offering correction or criticism without appearing harsh, pedantic or insensitive
37. Difficulty in perceiving and applying unwritten social rules or protocols
38. Difficulty in recognizing others’ faces (i.e., prosopagnosia)
39. Difficulty in understanding rules for games of social entertainment
40. Difficulty judging others’ personal space
41. Difficulty with “teamwork”
42. Difficulty with adopting a social mask to obscure real feelings, moods, reactions
43. Difficulty with initiating or maintaining eye contact
44. Difficulty with organizing and sequencing (i.e., planning and execution; successful performance of tasks in a logical order)
45. Difficulty with reciprocal displays of pleasantries and greetings46. Difficulty with writing and reports
47. Discomfort manipulating or “playing games” with others
48. Discomfort with competition
49. Disinclination to produce expected results in an orthodox manner
50. Distractibility due to focus on external or internal sensations, thoughts, and/or sensory input (e.g., appearing to be in a world of one’s own or day-dreaming)
51. Elevated voice volume during periods of stress and frustration
52. Excessive questions
53. Excessive talk
54. Exquisite attention to detail, principally visual, or details which can be visualized (“thinking in pictures”) or cognitive details (often those learned by rote)
55. Extreme reaction to changes in routine, surroundings, people
56. Failure to distinguish between private and public personal care habits (e.g., brushing, public attention to skin problems, nose picking, teeth picking, ear canal cleaning, clothing arrangement)
57. Flash temper
58. Flat affect
59. Flat or monotone vocal expression (i.e., limited range of inflection)
60. Generalized confusion during periods of stress
61. Great concern about order and appearance of personal work area
62. Gross or fine motor coordination problems
63. Immature manners
64. Impulsiveness
65. Insensitivity to the non-verbal cues of others (e.g., stance, posture, facial expressions)
66. Intense pride in expertise or performance, often perceived by others as “flouting behavior”
67. Interpreting words and phrases literally (e.g., problem with colloquialisms, clichés, neologism, turns of phrase, common humorous expressions)
68. Known for single-mindedness
69. Lack of trust in others
70. Limited by intensely pursued interests
71. Limited clothing preference (e.g., discomfort with formal attire or uniforms)
72. Literal interpretation of instructions (e.g., failure to read between the lines)
73. Low apparent sexual interest
74. Low motivation to perform tasks of no immediate personal interest
75. Low or no conversational participation in group meetings or conferences
76. Low sensitivity to risks in the environment to self and/or others
77. Low to medium level of paranoia
78. Low to no apparent sense of humor
79. Low understanding of the reciprocal rules of conversation (e.g., interrupting, dominating, minimum participation, difficult in shifting topics, problem with initiating or terminating conversation, subject perseveration)
80. Mental shutdown response to conflicting demands and multi-tasking
81. Missing or misconstruing others’ agendas, priorities, preferences
82. Nail-biting
83. Often perceived as “being in their own world”
84. Often viewed as vulnerable or less able to resist harassment and badgering by others
85. Out-of-scale reactions to losing
86. Oversight or forgetting of tasks without formal reminders (e.g., lists or schedules)
87. Perfectionism
88. Perseveration best characterized by the term “bulldog tenacity”
89. Poor judgment of when a task is finished (often attributable to perfectionism or an apparent unwillingness to follow differential standards for quality)
90. Pouting frequently
91. Preference for bland or bare environments in living arrangements
92. Preference for repetitive, often simple routines
93. Preference for visually oriented instruction and training
94. Problems expressing empathy or comfort to/with others (e.g., sadness, condolence, congratulations)
95. Psychometric testing shows great deviance between verbal and performance results
96. Punctual and conscientious
97. Rage, tantrum, shutdown, self-isolating reactions appearing “out of nowhere”
98. Relaxation techniques and developing recreational “release” interest may require formal instruction
99. Reliance on internal speech process to “talk” oneself through a task or procedure
100. Reluctance to accept positions of authority or supervision
101. Reluctance to ask for help or seek comfort
102. Resistance to or failure to respond to talk therapy
103. Rigid adherence to rules and routines
104. Rigid adherence to social conventions where flexibility is desirable
105. Ruminating (i.e., fixating on bad experiences with people or events for an inordinate length of time)
106. Sarcasm, negativism, criticism
107. Scrupulous honesty, often expressed in an apparently disarming or inappropriate manner or setting
108. Self-injurious or disfiguring behaviors
109. Serious all the time
110. Shyness
111. Sleep difficulties
112. Slow performance
113. Social isolation and intense concern for privacy
114. Stilted, pedantic conversational style (“the little professor” concept)
115. Stims (i.e., self-stimulatory behavior serving to reduce anxiety, stress, or to express pleasure)
116. Stress, frustration and anger reaction to interruptions
117. Strong desire to coach or mentor newcomers
118. Strong food preferences and aversions
119. Strong sensory sensitivities (e.g., touch and tactile sensations, sounds, lighting and colors, odors, taste
120. Substantial hidden self-anger, anger towards others, and resentment
121. Susceptibility to distraction
122. Tantrums
123. Tendency to “lose it” during sensory overload, multitask demands, or when contradictory and confusing priorities have been set
124. Unmodulated reaction in being manipulated, patronized, or “handled” by others
125. Unusual and rigidly adhered to eating behaviors
126. Unusual gait, stance, posture
127. Verbosity
128. Very low level of assertiveness
==> Learn more about your AS partner's way of thinking, feeling and behaving...
=> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA
11. Compelling need to finish one task completely before starting another
41. Difficulty with “teamwork”
“Mark, so what do you do exactly when working with the Asperger’s spouse or partner in your online counseling sessions? I’m an NT wife who has reached the end of her rope.”
“My husband with Asperger syndrome was so affectionate and loving in the first few years of our marriage. But over the years he has drifted away from where we started. I still love this man, but now I find that most days I feel so alone in my own house. We live like college roommates at this point, we just coexist with no real exchange of intimacy. When I try to talk to him, he just leaves – walks out, and that’s the end of it. PERIOD! Is this common for a man with Asperger syndrome? Could he be cheating on me? Do they just fall out of love as their spouse ages? Do they change their mind about their commitment level when children enter the picture? I have so many questions I don’t know where to begin.”
In working with clients on the autism spectrum, what I see pretty much 100% of the time is the individual’s tendency to chronically get lost in thought - usually stressful thoughts. The autistic brain is very rarely paying attention to what’s going on in the present moment.
