Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise? Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile...

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Are you thinking about dating a man with Autism Spectrum Disorder?

Are you thinking about dating a man with Autism Spectrum Disorder?

What you need to know as a neurotypical woman:

Social and emotional interaction can be complicated for people with ASD.  Although they are thought to have "high-functioning" autism, they still have social problems (e.g., they don’t contribute as much socially; they have trouble understanding or interpreting nonverbal language; they tend not to share their emotions as frequently).

Interaction and emotional reciprocity are important in relationships, so it’s no wonder that it would be a challenge for a person with ASD to be in a close/intimate relationship. There are some things you will have to consider to help the relationship work. 

Here are a few tips:

Understand that some people with ASD can be brutally honest (e.g., One young lady asked her man, “Does this dress make my butt look big?” ...and he replied, “No more than usual”).

Tell him how you are feeling, especially if you are angry, and why. He probably does not understand your emotions and why you are reacting a certain way.

Romance can be puzzling to an ASD man, but you will probably see improvement after explaining the meaning behind it, why it’s necessary, and that it makes you feel good.

Remember not to use riddles, jokes or sarcasm in the same way you would with someone who doesn’t have ASD (if you do, ask if he understood, and then explain what you meant – otherwise, he might be hurt by what you said or just be confused).

Don’t expect a relationship along normal lines. Whether you can get a suitable relationship going depends on a lot of things (e.g., patience, tolerance, clear thinking, knowledge, independence, strong self-confidence, adaptability).

Don’t be alarmed if he is confused by romantic gestures (e.g., hugging or kissing). Educate him by explaining what the gestures mean.

Learn what his interests are, and try to engage in activities focusing on those interests. Go on a few dates where social interaction isn’t necessarily the focus.

Learn about ASD and how they are different interpersonally.

If your ASD man talks in a confusing manner (e.g., talks in riddles or uses complex vocabulary, doesn’t answer your questions directly), ask him for more clarification.

If he has certain quirks (e.g., doesn’t like talking on the phone or sending emails), understand that it may be related to his disorder. Confront him about the issue if it bothers you, and explain why.

Ease your guy into large social situations (e.g., parties, group outings). Understand if he is overwhelmed or decides not to go with you, he might prefer being alone or with a smaller crowd.

Don’t assume he is uninterested, incapable of feeling love, or selfish just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Decide what you think of him and let him know. After he is aware of your attraction and becomes less confused about nonverbal gestures and flirtation, it will be easier for him to decide if he feels the same way.


Note: There are a lot of positives that come with ASD. So, know that it is a "mixed bag" of challenges and strengths when you enter this dating arena.


Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

"Emotional Connection" Chart for the Logical ASD Spouse


The longer you listen to understand [rather than to mount a defense], the deeper your understanding of your NT wife's thoughts, feelings and motives. This deeper understanding then translates to a deeper "emotional connection" - which is the #1 thing your NT wife has wanted all along!

Crucial Point: "Active listening" is defined as (a) paying full attention with no distractions (e.g., not looking at your cell phone), (b) periodically paraphrasing what your wife has said (i.e., repeating her main points using your own words), and (c) validation (i.e., "I hear you, I understand you, and I respect that this is your truth").

In the event you use a paraphrase, but she says you didn't get her point, ask her to repeat that point using slightly different wording. Then try paraphrasing again until she says, "Yes, that's what I'm saying."


Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

"My husband was recently diagnosed with ASD. Now what?"

Many "newbie” neurotypical (NT) spouses can learn to cope with the demands of being married to a spouse with autism once they learn about the emotions with which they are dealing with – and how to address them. Not all NTs experience all of the feelings listed below. However, it is helpful for them to be aware of the various emotions involved – and to realize that their experiences and feelings are normal.

Sorrow:

Loss of hopes and plans for the future

Loss of the "perfect marriage" that was anticipated prior to meeting her autistic spouse

Resentment:

Long-standing lack of emotional reciprocity from the autistic spouse

Long-standing lack of empathy 

Remorse:

Over her autistic husband's suffering

Less focus on self

Unable to help her autistic spouse in the social and emotional sense

Feelings of Loneliness:

No one else understands what the NT wife  is going through

Avoids having to explain the disorder and answer questions

Can sense that others are uncomfortable around her husband at times

Depressed

Not wanting to interact with others as a couple

Resentment toward others with "typical husbands"

Worries:

The children's future

The children's emotional safety

Keeping a stable relationship with her spouse

Her own mental health

Next crisis

Anxiety:

Advocating for accommodations

Attempting to do all the relationship work

Balancing career and family

Dealing with other's reactions and opinions

Lack of exercise

Lack of prior medical or advocacy experiences

Learning details of spouse's disorder and about related treatment

Making choices regarding treatment

Managing time

Poor eating habits

Sleep deprivation

Feeling Isolated:

Detachment in other areas of life due to focus on the autistic spouse's needs

Feelings of despair and hopelessness


Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

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