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Chronic Misunderstanding in the ND Relationship

1 comment:

  1. Its very sad that in most cases we are unaware that he has ASD, my „relationship” ended after 1 year (half of this was an totally disaster caused depression, mental breakdown in me, loss of hair, anxiety, and 1 year later Im still dammaged, he didnt hurted at all) we were totally in love, many plans for future and suddenly after ca. 5 months he started to show really weird and hurtfull behaviours. He blamed me and punished me for really everything, small things were problematic like mountains, once I just stated that he’s shoes are dirty (even cleaned them for him) and he took it as big insult (!) and remembered it and was vindictive about it, but had No problem to insult me with really bad words (w@ore, stupid, etc) for really small disagreements. It started unexpected but very quickly turned in to Real abuse. Examples: he spitted on me !!!! Just because I was bit sulky and offended after some disagreement we had and we went to his friends for a party, I scrolled most of the time on my phone (he ignored me) after party he said that I showed big disrespect for him and his friends (…) and spitted at me in big rage. He runned away and leaved me alone crying after he done or said something hurtfull, ev. he just stared at me and waited for me to stop crying. No emotions, no proper reaction. When I started to call him out, why he is so cruel while im crying he stated that „the fact that I stopped crying and calling him out on his behaviour is evidence that I faked crying just to manipulate him” (…) He is very succesful programmist but in emotional& life area behaved like someone who starts learning basics (he is 44 yo!) he searched in Google for knowledge about Every situations and showed me that something is right. Despite of the fact that I done everything in his house (cooking, cleaning, decorating) he refused to help me in Putting heavy vacuum cleaner in the closet as I wanted to dry my hair (!!!) demand avoidance? In this time i didnt knew how it is possible to refuse such basic minimal help for a woman. He gaslighted me and reinterpreted facts in many crazy ways. He thought he is always right even in those situations as he insulted me etc he saw himself as authority in area of good behaviour and mannerism just because he was extreme nice to other people. He leaved me in hurtfull situations (looked like abandoning or even breaking up) and then came after 1 day expecting that I will „not talking about the past” and „be positive” ( he was positive …) My first idea was Asperger but I excluded it because of his high competence to gain friends and contacts so I „diagnosed” heavy NPD, everything from Narcisstic disorder matched ….. I refused his „hoover” thinking that this is narcisst. He claimed that he loves me all the time, milion words about love and told me that we should reingage but he didnt changed his behaviours. He stalked me and send many hurtfull vindictive mails even throwed my belongings in front of my door (I cried till getting fever). I was devastated for many months but he started to partying and „recruited” new girlfriend in a 1 month (….) without any remorse, nothing. Im trying to recover since 9 months and still feel depressed after all hurt he caused. My therapist said it was ASD because of many weird blindfull behaviours. I regret that I didnt stayed by my first „diagnosis” and thought he is narcissist. His behaviours were really cruel and it looked really intentional, sometimes it looked like he doesnt know What he is doing. I loved him so much and now I killing myself with thoughts that it could work out if I reacted differently (I was hyperemotional cried loudly etc). Thought that he will not hurt the next partner (that I was some kind of training girl and now he will behave properly ) is killing me inside


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