tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post2114794085671819170..comments2024-03-18T07:20:14.358-07:00Comments on Support & Education for Adults on the Autism Spectrum: Resentment in the Neurotypical WifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-25207935871857844662024-03-05T07:36:10.320-08:002024-03-05T07:36:10.320-08:00Thank you so much, correspondent of 23rd Feb, for ...Thank you so much, correspondent of 23rd Feb, for sharing your experience which is like my own (will be 50 years in April). I certainly wouldn't recommend staying with a spouse on the spectrum but a degree of separation and definitely making my own life, while standing up firmly to manipulation and making my boundaries very clear has at least kept the family together...and my sons have increasingly made the line between acceptable & unacceptable behaviour clear to their father since finding their own partners. I too take refuge in prayer & contemplation, plus I removed my wedding ring 19 years ago, explaining that the promises were never kept and from now on we were "just friends" & I should be given the same respect as a friend. Not sure if anyone's mentioned sex on here but I would say "forget it as it's my experience that his demands & my needs will never meet or the latter be considered ". Thank you so much for this thread!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-9423709654710799812024-03-04T13:52:44.814-08:002024-03-04T13:52:44.814-08:00I will write more later. But briefly. You are amaz...I will write more later. But briefly. You are amazing to have coped for so long. My experience is that they they take it out on significant other. <br />Friends family acquaintances work mates don’t understand the behaviour. Ie it must be my imagination. <br />What is difficult, and consider this in retrospect. Is that they see every thing as Black and White not black OR white as most of us do. Why aren’t we seeing things as I do they bully. In public office such as police and politicians they can be dangerous. A former MP was text book Asp, very dangerous, Aust may never recover Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-35402559248054905562024-03-03T22:52:44.390-08:002024-03-03T22:52:44.390-08:00I'm very sorry to hear of your suffering &...I'm very sorry to hear of your suffering & unhappiness. I came to this website to seek info because I believe I may have undiagnosed aspies, and stumbled upon your post. <br /><br />Sadly, I found your commentary very subjective and stigmatizing - hateful almost - towards ASD. I'd be remiss not to share that the angry, unthoughtful , generalizing commentary ("All aspies are abusers") triggered suicidal ideation for me. I'm a strong one with a great support system - I can't imagine how others may feel reading your ignorant and generalizing words.. <br /><br />It sounds like your partner was an abusive a**hole. I recognize why it may feel comforting to "other" him. Please don't let your experience create an opening for you to project your pain and fear onto marginalized people. Just because your ASD was abusive, doesn't mean we all are. I wish for your healing and expansion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-62666439345479717302024-03-02T09:38:08.180-08:002024-03-02T09:38:08.180-08:00Boy do I see both sides here... The commentary fro...Boy do I see both sides here... The commentary from the OP is amazing, and I think she is truly lucky to have the mental health/psychological background that she has. I also think that every Aspie is different. <br />When I met my husband 28 years ago I just thought he was nerdy! I come from a highly social NT family and had never been around anyone with ASD so didn't recognize the signs. <br />When we got married he forgot my birthday and it made me so sad because I was always so celebrated by my family. When things got tougher, I took on the role of a mother. Correcting his awkward behaviors/comments. I always did it in private. I was in my early 20s and clueless. I used to think "boy, what kind of manners and education did his parents give him, I will help him"? The ironic part is his father was a very successful psychiatrist! And even he didn't catch it, so much so that he sent him to another psychiatrist for meds for anxiety. To his father's defense, there was less info 50 years ago on ASD. <br />Moving forward, I always thought there was something wrong with me. Feeling lonely, unseen, I just didn't get it. "There must be something wrong with me or what is wrong with him..." He never remembered my favorite things, only on occasion. BUT he is an AMAZING human being who would never hurt a soul purposely. That's why I say all Aspies are different. <br />I have learned to be patient and empathetic, humble, and many other awesome things living with him. The cool thing about my Aspie husband is that he is always mentoring and helping others. However, he always gives solutions instead of listening. So this has caused for a few executive men to be a**holes to him! Yes, he has been bullied by a few execs who didn't "get him". But what I love about him is he doesn't take it personal! OMG, I would be crying if I was treated like that. He works with high-level Germans and can take their humor!<br />The downside is that he was always so fixated on single things and so transactional that during and after the pandemic when he stopped traveling for work, we all noticed behaviors that before we didn't. We raised 3 kids in private schools, so they have learned speech and debate and sports and they started noticing his "quarky" things like chewing loud sometimes, or obsessions about finance and money, the fact that he has no friends but has a TON of colleagues all over the world who respect him. It's so interesting to watch!<br />I started to socially isolate (2020). He was suddenly always around, doing the same thing at the same time, making comments about food. He looks at labels or makes comments if we were grabbing a snack like: "we're about to have dinner" or "I'm so full, these pancakes are so huge". This really affected my teen daughters. To the point that one of them developed disorderly eating because she started to feel guilty about eating too much. So we took her to a psychologist/nutritionist and we found out she was depriving herself of food. An athlete who competes! This is when we all started going to therapy. Someone with OCD type gaslighting behaviors making comments about people's bodies and what they eat HAS hurt both my daughters.<br />Therapy did help all of us and now we are more aware. For my high school daughter to say: "dad, your comments sound narcissistic and it hurts me" and his reaction was like "what? you think I'm a narcissist?" gaslighting like it's her fault for viewing him this way. Luckily I managed it well. <br />He literally told me, frustrated "I don't get it, I just don't understand what you and the girls are referring to"... and that's when it hit me, after 28 years, he really does not process it in his brain the way we do! And it's not his fault. But the Aspie has to be open minded about improving the behaviors, dynamic and communication between he and his family.<br />I have thought about divorce a million times but I can't imagine my life without him because he DOES make efforts. Maybe without a social life like I imagined but I join my lady groups and do my thing. It's still lonely but we take it one day at a time.Colettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-2379698882635531362024-02-24T22:25:38.324-08:002024-02-24T22:25:38.324-08:00I feel for you, I also feel trapped bc of little f...I feel for you, I also feel trapped bc of little financial resource. Find a way - find someone locally who also has lived experience that can coach you through next steps even if it costs a few $$$. That’s what I am planning on doing otherwise I will stay here stuck, sad and stressed. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-86965824064613388592024-02-13T06:04:12.444-08:002024-02-13T06:04:12.444-08:00I have been reading these comments all night after...I have been reading these comments all night after having another blowup with my ASD husband. I'm not going to concentrate on my husbands behavior but it is the same as you all have described. I'm glad I found this sight. It did help me feel a little less alone. After the fight and before I found this site I was full of despair. I was reminded again that he just doesn't get that he has a problem. It smacked me full in the face tonight that it's never going to get better unless God miraculously changes his brain. I actually do believe he has gotten better since he understands his diagnosis but it is still not enough to meet my needs. We have been married 50 years this year and diagnosed 15 years ago. Actually it was easier for me before he was diagnosed because I thought that all his bad behaviors were him just being inconsiderate and mean. Now, knowing the truth that it is a physical abnormally in his brain, and he can't help his behavior, it makes me feel helpless to do anything and guilty for resenting the way he treats me or actually the way he disregards me. I feel abandoned and lonely and angry and hurt all at the same time. I don't buy that bull crap that we NT's have to be the understanding and sympathetic ones with an ASD spouse. It is a disability just like any other disability and they can learn coping skills to make them act at least human even if that doesn't come naturally to them. I don't let my spouse get away with any of those previous behaviors now. I call him out on them and make him accountable for his actions. No, he doesn't like it, but he made my life hell the first 30 years of our marriage so he has no excuse now because now we both know why he does it. So he is getting better at admitting he is wrong and realizing he doesn't do well in making decisions or social cues. But bottom line, it is still just behavioral changes and educational information, and until God heals the missing neurons in his brain he will not change completely into the partner and husband I need who really gets me. We will always live on totally different planes. Like someone else put it, "along side each other", but never one flesh as God had designed it. It grieves me so much to know we will not experienced the soul intimacy that I have always desired in our relationship. Thankfully we are friends most of the time and we do enjoy spending time together exploring and traveling together. It is just times like tonight when he isn't considerate or understand me that really brings home the truth he just doesn't comprehend showing emotions and communication the way I need. I am having a very hard time accepting that fact and I don't know that I ever will. I am thankful that I have a personal relationship with Jesus and that he sustains my emotional, mental, and spiritual needs that my husband cannot give me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-53717958449289584902024-02-10T18:31:46.888-08:002024-02-10T18:31:46.888-08:00Hi, wow first of all, well done all for creating t...Hi, wow first of all, well done all for creating this wonderful wealth of information! Thank you, Ladies & Gentleman<br /><br />I am currently at my dads house (twice in one month) because my ASD husband is making me loose my shit and I went fucking psycho on him.<br /><br />I am forever questioning my sanity<br /><br />This is actually a very good to write:<br />'Memoirs of screaming the house down' <br /><br />you know that bit when you say : 'WHAT?????!!!!' <br /><br />How can everything be fine and then all of sudden The rug is well and truly pulled from under your feet? And The ASD Monster rise from dry ice?<br /><br />this usually happens in the morning when I have just woken up!<br /><br />Just to give you a picture - <br />I am 36 - ADHD (Medicated) Diagnosed 2 years ago!<br />He is 49 - ASD & ADHD - diagnosed 3 months ago.<br /><br />HIS diagnosis explained everything <br /><br />I few examples below:<br /><br />We had failed IVF last year.<br />(I feel blessed for this)<br />He was all up for it, infact he suggested it. <br />first round all the way up to the HGC injection was all good.<br /><br />THEN.... The Embryo Transfer:<br />He had booked the day off work, and we were traveling to London on the train to have this completed. I was so happy, I was excited. for such a long process I was glad we got to this bit! <br />half way through the journey - he said (resentfully)<br /><br />"will this take long today, I've got quite a big day"<br /><br />I went (as above) 'WHAT?????!!!!' <br /><br />he then immediately said "what?' and I said - I cannot believe you just said that to me.<br /><br />what did I say?<br /><br />so I repeated it back (Luckily there was a lady next to me that validated this)<br /><br />and he still said 'I didn't say that' 'shut up'<br /><br />and that horrible dread sank in.<br /><br />we were going for lunch as we had a few hours, and he snarling at me - and was looking like he was almost embarrassed by me <br />I was chatting to some ladies at the bar and he was like - could you of been louder?<br /><br />everyone could hear you this turned into<br /><br />no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was no I wasn't // you was<br /><br />I said sorry and sat down<br /><br />so I sat down and feeling very apprehensive, he then proceeding to say "stop staring at people" I was like WHATTTTTT!!<br /><br />Your Staring KT - your Staring / No I'm Not<br /><br /> Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not Yes you are // No I'm Not <br /><br />and then I screamed <br /><br />we were kicked out of the restaurant and I was in flood of tears<br /><br />and we had to sleep in separate hotels that night<br /><br />This is just one of hundreds of things like this - <br /><br />I mean what grown adults says shit like this at times of importance <br /><br />There is so much more - but I am so angry writing this!! <br /><br />when its not about them - they become jealous arseholes!! <br /><br /><br />KT Custardnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-81549917219945496732024-02-05T14:21:16.578-08:002024-02-05T14:21:16.578-08:00I completely understand most of the comments about...I completely understand most of the comments about having a relationship with an aspie. When we first met 12 years ago l was love bombed with flower and holidays and dining out . He seemed so lovely. I only se him on weekends then as he worked full time due to being cleaned out in his previous marriage. I felt that was so unfair both of us being late 60s. His x was 50. She took everything. Some years later we got married after . There were a few odd times when he flew off the handle. I thought it was stressing. 7 years married life is so difficult to take, he’s retired and l am too being reliant on him. I gave up my flat and everything for him 7 years ago now l walk on eggshells all the time wondering when his next I outburst Will come. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-66212159005681653632024-01-13T16:01:48.915-08:002024-01-13T16:01:48.915-08:00I'm not someone who lives with regrets, but I ...I'm not someone who lives with regrets, but I do have one--I wish I had found this site earlier and others that describe the behaviors of someone on the spectrum, not knowing why he behaved in so many damaging and depleting ways.<br /><br />All I really want to say is DITTO. Get out while you can. If you think you can change a person on the spectrum, find a skilled therapist who can help you recognize that's a learned pattern from childhood--the belief that somehow you'll change another person so that they can be a loving adult in an adult relationship.<br /><br />Living with an ASD ex husband was an utter nightmare. Completely sucked up all my energy and time had me questioning my own sanity and left me completely empty, to the point where I knew if I stayed one more day, I would simply not wake up one day. Thankfully, I woke up one morning and decided I had enough. Sadly, still suffering the impact of having given my life away and how that and ex husband's inability to understand the impact of his behavior and words, has impacted our children and my relationship with them.<br /><br />Seek professional help from someone who is skilled in understanding ASD, as fast as you can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-26662123124655534652023-12-27T14:30:24.116-08:002023-12-27T14:30:24.116-08:00It might help the NTs on here if you could explain...It might help the NTs on here if you could explain what behaviours in a relationship feel natural to you as an Aspie and the ones you are aware of that are not helpful in an intimate relationship. I often wonder how and why my husband can’t consider me, but I never know what is going on in his head. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-30168771209679510572023-12-27T14:25:50.283-08:002023-12-27T14:25:50.283-08:00His family sound like a disaster and like they hav...His family sound like a disaster and like they have pandered to him which might in part explain some of his poor behaviour. Don’t let yourself be brainwashed, see things as they really are and put yourself first. Develop strength by reaching out to those who love and support you, stay away from toxic behaviours. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-31266916703942691062023-12-27T13:57:39.475-08:002023-12-27T13:57:39.475-08:00I’ve been living with an undiagnosed Aspie for 32 ...I’ve been living with an undiagnosed Aspie for 32 years and it’s only in the last month he has accepted that He has high functioning autism and seen a doctor about it. He’s had depression for 18 years and alcoholism for the last few years. I met him when doing my university finals, he was older and working. He had the upper hand straight away. He has drained me of my energy to the point in his presence I often feel a shell of a person, I actually look completely different in the mirror when I’m at home with him, pale, aged, drawn, depressed. <br />What have I learned to try and survive that I can share with others suffering. Firstly I have realised that I am dealing with a toxic person and one that has the emotional age of around 8 years and therefore when the ridiculous circular arguments start, I no longer try to resolve them with the aim of reaching a happy compromise because one CANNOT be reached. I walk away and as such put myself first. <br />Additionally, I sleep in another room, work full time with other lovely colleagues who massively help me retain my sanity and help me forget that at 6pm I will return to loneliness, being ignored, or being lectured to, not having any partnership or 2 way exploratory or uplifting conversations and being used. Sometimes returning to downright verbal abuse and then being told it was all my fault as “I started it”! <br />So I walk away, I try and limit contact with him to 10/15 minutes a day; anymore I feel like I’m slipping into madness. I go out with my friends as much as possible given my other responsibilities, spend time with my son or my grown up daughter at her university. I’ve started running again to get me out of the house. I worked on our marriage for the first 30 years but you can’t fix the unfixable. So now I choose myself. I get away to my mum’s and sister’s at the weekends as much as I can, given I can’t leave my son that often with a father who is getting tanked up each evening when my son has sports matches near our home. So whilst I have not ‘RUN’ yet as others have wisely advised, I have run in my own way. Limiting contact i have found is key, diluting their presence by filling up my life with people who do enjoy my company and see me as someone who adds to their lives as a human being, not a cash cow, skivvy, nanny, cook, PA. So if you cannot RUN, make yourself as strong as you can financially, socially, spiritually and physically to withstand the awfulness. It is so true that we are hitched to another species: how happy would a bouncy, playful and sociable dog be being hitched to stand-offish, superior, happy with its own company, cat. It is never gonna work. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-48373196413815254782023-12-27T12:06:50.975-08:002023-12-27T12:06:50.975-08:00Well, this has all depressed the shit out of me......Well, this has all depressed the shit out of me... My wife told me about 6 months ago that she believes I am ASD. I thought she was joking at first but online assessments all validated her opinion, and researching it all has made sense of a lot of things. I have always been happy with my own company and held strong opinions, and I'm fairly obsessive about my one real passion in life. I never thought I might be ASD, I just thought everyone else was weird... (yeah, I know...) I love my wife more than I can say - she is an amazing, kind, honest woman, and I can't imagine life without her. Yet we argue a lot, almost always over inconsequential things that really shouldn't matter. I now realise that it's probably my fault we do this. Sometimes in the heat of an argument I have said quite nasty things that instantly made me feel awful for having said it. In my head I love and respect my wife so much, but I don't think that's how I act always. I absolutely hate myself for that. Having read what NTs feel about living with ASDs, I am sure.my wife probably feels the same way about me. Believe me, we don't like being how we are, and we don't mean to trample all over our relationships or make our other halves miserable. I wish I could change.Shoehorn Maladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04993265643312211255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-71803747551165127902023-12-26T18:48:43.805-08:002023-12-26T18:48:43.805-08:00The world needs aspies. We wouldn't have our m...The world needs aspies. We wouldn't have our modern society were it not for many ingenious men and women whith characteristics that we today attribute to Asperger's syndrome or HFA.<br />Yes, they are different. Have different needs. Communicate differently. Maybe they are not the most suitable spouse for us NTs, since communication and shared experiences are at the core of most marriages. I have had my heart crushed by an undiagnosed "aspie" woman. I fell into a depressive epispde because of it. But that was because we didn't know what was going on. We were emotionally abusing each other without knowing. Since then she has been diagnosed, I have picked myself back up, and I am thankful we never got to marry. But I have also learned to admire her the way she is, finally unmasked. She taught me alot about empathy, about the amazing diversity of us humans, about the reality of the superficial friemdships and relationships we Neurotypicals sometimes form. I love her and her kind, and I'm glad they exist. I simply do not think we would make a great couple. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-43536438244223316242023-12-23T21:19:47.339-08:002023-12-23T21:19:47.339-08:00Hi, I dated a guy and met his family early on in t...Hi, I dated a guy and met his family early on in the relationship. His Dad's behavoir at the time seemed of. I mentioned it after we dated for a while to my boyfriend and a fight ensued. The relationship was not easy. We had good times and rough ones like any normal couple. Still certain things felt off and I tried to talk it out, he got angry. He broke off the relatiinship. That was nearly 2 decades ago. About a year or more ago, a couple of things happend. Their Dad died, he and his youngest brother got tested and was diagonised with Aspergers. The eldest brother didn't get tested, but has all the symtoms. Turns out for their family it is genetic. My sympathy is for their wifes, children and especially their Mother. Once I heard about the Aspergers, their father and my ex started to make sense. I wish I could help their Mom, wifes and kids... So all I can do is be a shoulder to cry on and pray. And use the information I read when we do meet accidently not to make the situasion worse for them all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-87054883418470095772023-12-23T18:21:58.340-08:002023-12-23T18:21:58.340-08:00Reading all these comments as a man who has recent...Reading all these comments as a man who has recently learned I am autistic at 43 years old. Been contemplating suicide as it seems I will never truly fit in no matter what I do, nor will I be understood .. or be able to provide anything but misery for my loved ones according to this thread. I had no idea how much bitter hatred for autistic people there was out there! And this is even coming from people who say that they 'love' them! As hurtful as all this was to read, it was a brilliant reality check and you should all sleep very soundly tonight knowing that when you wake up there will thankfully be one less autistic man having the audacity to try to live and breathe in this world that is really only meant for the 'normal' people to be a part of and enjoy. I'm sure my family will be relieved that I am gone too, and I never would have figured that out were it not for the hatred and vitriol expressed here, so thanks! Merry Christmas xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-5955330114641050082023-12-20T17:08:02.535-08:002023-12-20T17:08:02.535-08:00You may be right however, it's unfair when a N...You may be right however, it's unfair when a NT paterner is willing to try and learn how to communicate with ND person, however he doesn't, not even meet half way. <br />I feel a great deal of sadness as we are devorcing after 23 years. Not because he has Asperger's but his willingness to meet half way. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-25903659615077592812023-12-19T14:42:36.809-08:002023-12-19T14:42:36.809-08:00My Asperger husband murdered our Golden Retriever....My Asperger husband murdered our Golden Retriever. I witnessed it , but I know I can't prove it.All I have is my word, sadly we NT wives have been ignored. I know you have no idea how heartbreaking and horrifying this is. Not counting living in a true and wakeful afraid for my life nightmare. That is the evolution of an NT woman married to an Aspie , it is a nightmare Kerri Call. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-76142064499634832012023-12-19T14:14:29.862-08:002023-12-19T14:14:29.862-08:00Thank you so much. OP and so many of you replying....Thank you so much. OP and so many of you replying. You are validating so many women's lives. Close to forty years for me. I feel we have been betrayed not just by the Aspies , who are life ruining all by themselves, but by the medical field, our friends we lose because we become unheard open sores. Our family's who are afraid their husbands might catch it. I have a son who thinks his step-father is a great guy because the aspie unknown to me has been assassinating my character. It has taken so long for the world to see these men for what they are. They know what they do. They are not innocent. They marry us under a false pretense of love. They know they are tricking us and they are smart enough to fool us. Who among us would have agreed to marry if they had been honest about themselves, if they had shown us how they really are? NONE of us ! And they KNOW this. They have no good intentions for anyone but themselves, and they are great actors. Thank you OP , you have told the world eloquently how they are purposely life ruining to the woman they marry. They are the best liars anyone could imagine. Between them and the medical industry wanting to ignore us and offer them help, we have not had any support except for each other. It is time the world know the truth. We need protection from these men. Nobody can do it alone. These destruction story's are real. Lives are wasted because it took us so long to realize, we cannot fix these men. We cannot stop these men . By the time we realize what is/has happened we are old with more years behind us than ahead. Still there is no help for us , still they lie and others believe. Get out now, do not wait like I did. I am determined to live a healthy happy life, no matter what, as long as I have enough strength in my body, and I still try to get away. I don't know if my family and I can safely do that. But I have to try. Please don't do what I did. Get out now. You are being abused , and it is covert and calculating. You won't change him. Be honest with yourself, save yourself and your children. De weeznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-19623362490290587582023-12-07T00:06:36.470-08:002023-12-07T00:06:36.470-08:00I don't know how to tell you how similar my ex...I don't know how to tell you how similar my experience has been. My husband of 2 years (relationship going for 8) started showing more signs of autism and slowly unmasking since we got married. He has gone full mask off and it's terrible. Our sex life has always struggled and he only initiated when he masked. But since he admitted to masking, he admitted that he has no interest in sex really. Along with that, he blamed me for him not communicating many of his needs. He had a first rough 2 years when we were in our late teens. I wasn't the best person but I changed to be better, more understanding, patient and kind because I loved him. Even though I changed, he decided to never communicate his actual feelings to me no matter how much I checked in.<br /><br />These days, he gets frustrated and says he's "tired of playing the blame game" when I tell him how he's hurt me through lack of communication. I want to make this work but it feels impossible.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-20285069938585385672023-12-02T16:44:10.002-08:002023-12-02T16:44:10.002-08:00NTs should leave us ASDs asap. Because whether a p...NTs should leave us ASDs asap. Because whether a person with ASD is abusive (as many of these ASD people mentioned in the above comments surely are) or just weird and unfulfilling for a human woman, most NT women are never going to be satisfied or accept an ASD man. Just leave us, the sooner the better for all. Especially if there is abuse. To those who can’t leave and scape the abuse, I’m sorry. Must be brutally hard to endure.<br />I’m not abusive as my wife would agree, but she still doesn’t like me enough to be aroused or interested in me romantically, though she loves me in the sense of wanting what is best for me. She’s better off without me and I her. For now, we are roommates anbs coparents. After our girls grow up I think we will separate or at least live as housemates with our own rooms and lives. <br /><br />To the crazy fundamentalist going on about demons and God and all - go away, you aren’t helping.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-737075022488317692023-11-26T14:48:07.344-08:002023-11-26T14:48:07.344-08:00Horrible comment "Cannot wait to meet a NORMA...Horrible comment "Cannot wait to meet a NORMAL, loving man. It is no wonder 75% of suicides are maleAntony R Owenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08059253946679601104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-41607291482504756192023-11-25T20:30:21.126-08:002023-11-25T20:30:21.126-08:00I am in a 22 year marriage with someone I believe ...I am in a 22 year marriage with someone I believe is an Aspie. Both of my boys have been diagnosed with it. I recently had a light bulb moment when a friend who is a Therapist told me she thought my husband was. All these years I thought he was just selfish. I recently started doing research on being married to someone with ASD and that is how I found this chat room. I just don't think I can stay in this relationship much longer. I feel like I hate him. I have been blamed for all of our problems because I have always argued back or got upset with him for not helping me with anything kid related or house and yard related he has such a dependency with his parents that he tells them everything that goes on in our marriage. Of course they tell him he has a heart of gold and that I am the problem. I am just exhausted. All these years we invested in a thrift savings plan through his work because they matched the contributions. So my income paid all the bills and bought him nice vehicles and camp trailers while his income went to the savings plan. I found out through a divorce lawyer that if I keep the house, he gets the entire savings plan. So I can't afford to leave yet and I can't sell the house because my youngest son has begged me to keep the house that he has grown up in. He is high functioning ASD and as we all know does not do well with change. I am afraid that if I sell our home he could spiral when his school life isn't great to begin with because he is bullied for being different. That is not the only reason either. My oldest son could be at risk too because I think he would choose to live with his dad and my husband likes to have loaded firearms lying around. We are constantly fighting over that because I keep locking them up. I just don't think it's fair that even though I may have the house, I wouldn't have a penny in the bank for emergencies. I cashed out my retirement plan a few years ago to pay bills. So other than my current income I would have no savings. With current home rates, my house payment would go up 900.00 a month because he would make me refinance to take it out of his name. Plus I would no longer be on his health insurance. So for now I am financially stuck. I figure I will have to stay until my kids go off to college, then I can sell the house. I am 53 and I am scared of the unknown. But I don't feel like I can live like this much longer. I have PTSD, I have insomnia, my health is starting to fade and it's all stress related. Meanwhile he walks around the house humming excessively. Marriage counseling has made things worse for me. His famous words are " I had no idea." And comes across as such a nice guy while he constantly treats me like crap. Half the time I wonder if I am going crazy. Im probably not making a lot of sense but I can relate to most of the posts about not getting any emotional support. I so wish there was a way I could talk to one of you who understands what I am going through. Because no one in my life does. I feel so alone in this. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-38046247689865015792023-11-21T13:36:53.677-08:002023-11-21T13:36:53.677-08:00Agree 100%..Island in Middle of the Ocean.
Bad beh...Agree 100%..Island in Middle of the Ocean.<br />Bad behaviour is always Bad.<br />Life is too short to be unhappy.. Make you sick.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212330848782074107.post-42567189044218915592023-11-19T08:11:06.474-08:002023-11-19T08:11:06.474-08:00all of the above -its a living nightmare- total ut...all of the above -its a living nightmare- total utter nightmare- Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com