Blog for Individuals and Neurodiverse Couples Affected by ASD
Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise? Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile...
“Mark - my husband is the most inflexible person I have ever dealt with in the entire life. When his mind is made up, he is immoveable and totally closed to other suggestions on how to deal with issues (e.g., our kids, financial things that come up, chores that need to be done around the house, just to name a few). So, my question is: is this part of his aspergers, and why is he so closed to alternative ideas?”
Yes… it’s part of the disorder. And, there are several important reasons why people with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism are “inflexible” (to use your term). We call this “cognitive rigidity”:
Brain Dysregulation—
The brains of people on the spectrum are structurally normal, but “dysregulated” (i.e., there is an impaired regulation of a bundle of neurons in the brain stem that processes sensory signals from various areas of the body).
Cortisol Deficit—
Cortisol is a key factor in understanding Asperger’s (ASD level 1). It is one of several stress hormones that acts similar to a red alert that is triggered by stressful circumstances, which helps the person to react quickly to changes. In neurotypical (non-Asperger's) people, there is a two-fold increase in levels of cortisol within 30 minutes of waking up – and levels gradually declining during the day as part of the internal body clock.
People with Asperger’s don’t have this peak first thing in the morning, which is highly significant in explaining why people with Asperger’s are less able to react and cope with unexpected change (throughout the day, but especially in the morning).
They don’t adjust normally to the challenge of a new environment on waking, which may affect the way they subsequently engage with the world around them. By viewing your husband’s symptoms as a “stress response” rather than stubbornness may help you develop a few techniques for avoiding circumstances contribute to his anxiety.
This deals with impulse control, inhibition, mental flexibility, planning, the initiation/monitoring of action, and working memory. This explains some of the symptoms of Asperger’s (e.g., poor social interaction due to a defect in cognitive shifting, repetitive and restricted behavior).
Theory of mind is the intuitive understanding of one’s mental state -- and the mental state of others (i.e., emotions, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, knowledge, intentions and desires – and of how those mental states influence behavior). Your husband most likely has great difficulty understanding others thoughts, feelings, and motivations, which is the core cognitive deficit.
Weak Central Coherence—
This is the inability to understand the context of a situation or to see the big picture. This explains common behaviors found Asperger’s (e.g., repetitiveness, focusing on parts of objects, persistence in behaviors related to details, etc.).
"I'm currently dating a guy who is diagnosed with Asperger’s. I don't know much about this condition. How can I understand the way he thinks? We are definitely not on the same page most of the time. I need to know more about this and how it could affect our relationship."
There are several traits associated with ASD (high-functioning autism, or Aspergers) that can have an effect on how the relationship develops (not all negative, of course). People with the disorder typically have underdeveloped areas in the brain that cause problems in communication, focusing on “the real world” as opposed to becoming absorbed in their own thoughts and obsessions, learning appropriate social skills and responses, and understanding the thoughts and feelings of others.
They are often extremely literal in their interpretation of others’ conversations, and have difficulty recognizing differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of what others’ say (e.g., they may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally).
For some people on the spectrum, learning social skills is like learning a foreign language. They may have difficulty reading non-verbal communication that “typical” people learn without formal instruction (e.g., not understanding the appropriate distance to stand from another person when talking, how to tell when someone does not want to listen any longer, how to interpret facial expressions, etc.).
These individuals are usually highly aware of right and wrong - and will bluntly announce what is wrong. They tend to recognize others’ shortcomings, but not their own. Thus, they may come across as insensitive, selfish, or rude.
They tend to need routine and predictability, which gives them a sense of safety. Change often causes stress, and too much change can lead to a meltdown or shutdown. Changes that are stressful for them may include (a) starting a new routine (e.g., having to go a different route to work due to construction), (b) having a different supervisor at work, (c) having to do things in a different order, or (d) major changes to their environment (e.g., when a wife rearranges the furniture without consulting the Asperger's husband first).
Routines and predictability help them remain calm. Your boyfriend's thinking is likely to be totally focused on only one or two interests, about which he is very knowledgeable. Many people on the autism spectrum are interested in parts of a whole (e.g., space craft, computers, insects, drawing highly detailed scenes, designing houses, astronomy, and so on). Your boyfriend's brain is likely to be obsessed by his interest. Thus, he may talk only about it, even when others are carrying on a conversation on a different topic.
People with ASD tend to notice details rather than the “whole” picture. The importance of the detail prevents them from understanding the bigger picture, so instructions may get lost in their focus on a single detail. Also, multiple instructions are extremely difficult for these individuals to retain and follow.
They are not able to access their frontal cortex or prefrontal lobe efficiently, so they must call on social skills from their memories. If a particular social skill has not been taught to them as a child, they won’t have it as an adult.
Therefore, imagination, conversation, and other people’s points of view cause them great difficulty. They may be unable to realize consequences outside their way of thinking. Also, they may not be able to recognize when someone is lying to them or trying to take advantage of them.
Frustration and resultant anger often occurs due to over-stimulation of the senses or a change in routine. It is often the only response they know. Difficulty with anger-control can present problems in relationships. They tend to view things in black and white terms, which may result in angry outbursts when they don’t get their way, or when they feel threatened or overwhelmed.
Some people with ASD bottle-up anger and turn it inward in the form of depression, never revealing where the problem is. Many are perfectionists, reacting with anger when things don’t go the way they had hoped.
One of the most difficult thinking patterns of people with Asperger's is mind-blindness, which is the lack of ability to understand the emotions, feelings, motivations and logic of others. Unfortunately, some of these individuals don't care that they don’t understand! Thus, they may behave without regard to the welfare of others. Many will only change their thinking or behavior if it is in their own interest to do so. Even then, convincing the person with ASD to change his mind may be an uphill battle.
"Does the autistic brain have problems processing sensory and emotional information? My husband [on the autism spectrum] rarely follows through with what he originally agrees to do [or later, states he did not understand what I said, or simply does not remember the conversation at all]."
People on the spectrum often have problems processing information from one or more of their 7 sensory systems. These processes take place at an unconscious level and work together to help with attention and learning. Each system has specific receptors that pickup information that is relayed to the brain. The sensory traits of people with ASD are often responsible for their processing difficulties, negative behaviors, and unpleasant emotions.
The sensory systems are also involved in “emotional processing.” People with autism spectrum disorder vary in their ability to process information emotionally, in part because at least one other sense often doesn't work well (e.g., it would be difficult for spouse with an auditory-processing issue to figure out whether his wife’s voice suggests composure or irritation). Also, many of these individuals have a hard time using their emotions or desires to process information and act appropriately in interpersonal settings.
Processing is a system that helps people select, prepare, and begin to interpret incoming information. People with ASD who have difficulty with processing may have a range of problems related to regulating the use of incoming information.
There are five processing skills:
1. Cognitive activation is a form of “active processing” that connects new information to what has already been learned through prior knowledge and experience. People who are “inactive processors” are unable to connect to prior knowledge to assist their understanding of new information. In contrast, “overactive processors” are reminded of too much prior knowledge, making it difficult for them to maintain focus.
2. Depth and detail of processing controls how intensely people can concentrate on highly specific data. It enables them to focus deeply enough to recognize and remember necessary details. People with ASD tend to remember a lot of details that relate to their area of special interest, but may not remember much outside of that interest.
3. Focal maintenance allows the person to focus on important information for the appropriate period of time. Individuals on the spectrum may not concentrate long enough on some things, and may concentrate too long on others.
4. Saliency determination involves selecting which incoming information is the most important. People who have difficulty with this control may be distracted by things that are not relevant and miss important information being presented.
5. Satisfaction control involves a person’s ability to allocate enough attention to activities or topics of moderate or low levels of interest. People with ASD with poor satisfaction control have difficulty concentrating on activities that are outside of their special interest.
Here are some signs that your ASD husband has difficulty processing information:
tries to understand the meaning of each word you are saying rather than being able to automatically understand the whole gist and general meaning of your sentence
processes too little or too much information
processes one word that you say, but then thinks of something completely unrelated to what you are saying
only pays attention to exciting information or highly stimulating activities
misses a lot of things that are obvious to you
may have to repeat himself several times before you understand what he is saying
has trouble picking up the main ideas in conversations with you
has problems shifting focus from one subject or activity to another
has difficulty connecting new information with information already known
has an idea of what he wants to say in his mind, but when he attempts to share the idea, it doesn’t come out right
focuses too superficially or too deeply on information you present
focuses too long on just one detail
focuses too briefly on important aspects of the conversation
can't distinguish between what is important to you - and what isn't
“I am married to a man with
Aspergers. I must say this has been the biggest challenge in my entire life.
Although I do love my husband dearly, I am finding myself slipping into
feelings of resentment quite often. What advice would you have for a couple
that is experiencing marital problems due to the fact that one partner’s brain
is wired differently?”
Here are some facts about adults with Aspergers and
High-Functioning Autism that neurotypical (non-Aspergers) spouses need to
understand:
A person with Aspergers has
challenges understanding or predicting the consequences of his/her
behavior on others. Therefore, the Aspergers spouse may see the
neurotypical spouse as irrational or illogical.
Aspergers adults, because they
have a hard time separating boundaries at times, may hear criticism of a
family member (e.g., father, mother, sibling) as a criticism of them, and they likely will not be
willing to tolerate it.
Aspergers men in particular may
find conflict almost intolerable. They may hear a difference of opinion
or an attempt to explain a different perspective about a situation as
conflict or a criticism of who they are.
Neurotypical women especially tend
to want their spouse to understand them and their feelings. However,
they need to realize that this is something they may not be able to get
from their Aspergers spouse. Some change may be possible, but the
neurotypical spouse may need to adjust his/her expectation, and find other
places for support without being unrealistic about what they expect from their
Aspergers spouse.
The most basic elements of
speaking and hearing are the most important issues that the
Aspergers-Neurotypical couples may have. Aspies often have a very
difficult time hearing negative emotions expressed by their spouse.
They may refuse to communicate, but then end up lashing-out in a very
hurtful way later on.
So what can Aspergers-Neurotypical partners do to
maintain their relationship. Here are some important tips:
Both spouses must make a serious commitment to making
the relationship work. However, the
neurotypical partner is going to have to understand that it will
feel to them that they are the party making more
accommodations. Even if the Aspie accepts and understands their
diagnosis, the truth is that your brains are wired differently. As a
neurotypical partner, you will need to shift from "what is
wrong" about your spouse and the relationship, to "what is
right." You will need to build on the strengths, and value the
differences, versus seeing your spouse as insensitive and uncaring.
Both
spouses need to have an in-depth understanding of Aspergers and how
marital relationships are affected.
Conflict
is normal, even healthy. Differences between you mean that there are
things you can learn from each other. Often conflict shows us where we can
or need to grow.
Couples
often derail a resolution when they try to acknowledge the other spouse's
position, but then add a "but" in their next breath and reaffirm
their position (e.g., “I can understand why you didn't pick up the dishes
in the family room, but why do you think I'm the maid?”).
Defending
yourself, whether by vehemently protesting your innocence or rightness or
by turning the tables and attacking, escalates the fight. Instead of
upping the ante, ask for more information, details, and examples. There is
usually some basis for the other person’s complaint. When you meet a
complaint with curiosity, you make room for understanding.
Develop
the self-discipline to set limits on your anger and your behavior. If
either of you resort to physical force and violence in your relationship,
seek professional help. Acting out your anger in aggressive ways violates
the other person’s boundaries and sense of safety. Each of us has a right
to be safe and free of abuse or physical danger in our
relationships.
Fighting
ends when cooperation begins. Asking politely for suggestions or
alternatives invites collaboration. Careful consideration of options shows
respect. Offering alternatives of your own shows that you also are willing
to try something new.
For
both “neurotypicals” and “Aspies”: Become students of each other's
culture. Pretend that you are learning a new language from a new
country. If you are an Aspie, remember that, in many ways, your
spouse is from another planet, the neurotypical planet. And if you
are a neurotypical, remember that your Aspergers spouse is from the
Aspergers planet. Celebrate the diversity and the differences.
For
the Aspergers partner, reconsider your perception of your spouse and of
yourself. Consider that, because of the differences in the way
your brain works, a lot of what your spouse is telling you
about your role in problems is probably right.
For
the neurotypical partner, shift your focus from what you
are not getting from your Aspergers spouse to see and value the
strengths he or she brings to the relationship.
Forget
that adage about always resolving anger before going to bed -- and let
someone sleep on the couch. Going to bed angry is often the
best choice. It allows spouses to clear their thoughts, get some sleep,
and make a date to resume the fight (which might seem less important in
the light of day).
Friendly
fighting sticks with the issue. Neither party resorts to name calling or
character assassination. It’s enough to deal with the problem without
adding the new problem of hurting each other’s feelings.
Global
statements that include the words “always” and “never” almost always get
you nowhere and never are true. When your spouse has complaints, ask to
move from global comments of exasperation to specific examples so you can
understand exactly what he/she is talking about. When you have complaints,
do your best to give your spouse examples to work with.
In
the heat of an argument, threatening to leave the relationship is
manipulative and hurtful. It creates anxiety about being abandoned and
undermines your ability to resolve your issues. It quickly erodes your
spouse’s confidence in your commitment to the relationship. Trust is not
easily restored once it is broken in this way. It makes the problems in
your relationship seem much bigger than they need to be.
It
is best if the diagnosis of Aspergers is made and accepted by the
Aspergers spouse. One of the best things that can happen is for the couple
to seek help from a therapist or marriage coach who understands the unique
differences between Aspies and neurotypicals. If the therapist does
not understand the unique differences, all that will happen is the couple
going back and forth, arguing for their own view of the situation.
And the Aspie will have a hard time understanding his/her impact on the
neurotypical.
It’s
pointless to blame each other. Blaming your partner distracts you from
solving the problem at hand. It invites your partner to be defensive, and
it escalates the argument.
Putting
your spouse down or criticizing your spouse’s character shows disrespect
for his/her dignity. In sports there are many rules that prevent one
player from intentionally injuring another. In marriage and relationships,
similar rules must apply. When you intentionally injure your spouse, it’s
like saying, “You are not safe with me. I will do whatever it takes to
protect myself or to win.”
Small
concessions can turn the situation around. If you give a little, it makes
room for the other person to make concessions too. Small concessions lead
to larger compromises. Compromise doesn’t have to mean that you’re meeting
each other exactly 50-50. Sometimes it’s a 60-40 or even 80-20 agreement.
This isn’t about score-keeping. It’s about finding a solution that is workable
for both of you.
Stay
in the present and resist the temptation to use the situation as an
occasion to bring up other issues from the past. It’s discouraging to keep
bringing up the past. You can’t change the past. You can only change
today. You can look forward to a better future. Try to keep your focus on
what can be done today to resolve the issue at hand and go forward from
there. If you get off-topic, on to other issues, stop yourselves and agree
to get back on track. You can always come back to other issues later.
Taking
a 1-minute break can help a couple push the reset button on a fight. Stop,
step out of the room, and reconnect when everyone's a little calmer.
The
louder someone yells, the less likely they are to be heard. Even if your
spouse yells, there’s no need to yell back. Taking the volume down makes
it possible for people to start focusing on the issues instead of reacting
to the noise.
There
almost always are parts of a conflict that can be points of agreement.
Finding common ground, even if it’s agreeing that there is a problem, is
an important start to finding a common solution.
There
are two things that derail intense fights: (1) admitting what you did to
get your spouse ticked off, and (2) expressing empathy toward your spouse.
This can be difficult, but typically is extremely successful. Letting down
our defenses in the heat of battle seems counter-intuitive, but is actually
very effective with couples.
There
comes a point where discussing the matter doesn't help. So couples need to
just hold each other when nothing else seems to be working. Reconnecting
through touch is very important.
Use
words that describe how you feel, and what you want and need, not what
your spouse feels, wants, or believes. It may seem easier to analyze your
spouse than to analyze yourself, but interpreting your spouse’s thoughts,
feelings and motives will distract you from identifying your own underlying
issues, and will likely invite defensiveness from your partner. More
importantly, telling your partner what he/she thinks, believes or wants is
controlling and presumptuous. It is saying that you know your partner’s
inner world better than your partner does. Instead, work on identifying
your own unmet needs, feelings, and ways of thinking and describe these
needs and feelings to your partner.
When one speaks,
the other should be really listening, not just planning their rebuttal.
Take turns speaking and listening so that you both have a chance to say
what you need. Have you ever tried to work through a difficult issue
when your partner was talking over top of you and interrupting you? How
did you feel? Consciously remind yourself about this when you feel an
overwhelming urge to interrupt or speak your mind.
When
people feel strongly about something, it’s only fair to hear them out.
Respectful listening means acknowledging their feelings, either verbally
or through focused attention. It means never telling someone that he/she
“shouldn’t” feel that way. It means saving your point of view until after
you’ve let the other person know you understand that they feel intensely
about the subject, even if you don’t quite get it.
• Anonymous said... Great article. • Anonymous said... I know EXACTLY how you feel. This is my life in a nutshell. One thing that helps me is to write my thoughts and feelings down, then have him read them. This gives me time to calm down and think about how I want to say something. Also, you need to give logistical reasons for things, at least I do. "I need you to take out the trash because I'm cooking dinner." "It upsets me when you ignore me for video games because it makes me feel like you'd rather play games than be married to me. I'm asking for help because I can't do everything myself." "You cook, I clean. This is our agreement." "You can't be around chemicals, so you have to sweep, vacuum, and do the laundry." Getting emotional usually frustrates and/or shuts my husband down. Once I learned to take a step back, breathe, and think of a reasonable argument in a calm, low tone, things got SO much better. I'm a hot-tempered Texan, so it's not 100%. Ask him what he needs. That really changed my relationship. Also, try reading "Five Love Languages". There's a quiz you can both take that will tell you your love language, which was crazy eye-opening for me and my husband. • Anonymous said... Just try to hang in there. • Anonymous said... Read everything about it, have someone to talk to, have your OWN free time and try to be as rational as you can when you talk to him which you have to do when you know he is in the "listening mode". I'm married to adhd and asperger for 13 years Not easy but very possible! * Anonymous said... My husband says I am his dream girl and he wouldnt change a thing about me. Sure we didnt know I had as when we got married or for years but it sure helps to know and learn how to communicate better. * Anonymous said... I'll talk from your hubsnd's perspective, if you'll permit. Although a person with AS can tell they've angered or disappointed you, they rarely understand why. I'll assume that your husband has the normal high IQ common amongst folks with AS, and if so you can use that to your benefit to help him learn how to relate to you and "behave" in a more neuro-typical way. No one with AS wants conflict or strife, as it only serves to worsen the anxiety and depression that is so common in this disorder. Take the time to explain how his behavior made you feel, and most importantly tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do differently. Try to do so calmly, and at a time that both of you agree is appropriate to discuss the concern. Right when he gets home from work, or just before bed, would not be ideal. • Anonymous said… "am finding myself slipping into feelings of resentment quite often" if you love him.. This comment wouldn't bother you or even spew out your mouth or even come as a thought in your head... that's what true love is. • Anonymous said… Everyone's wired differently and marriage is a journey, a struggle and hard work but also a fantastic experience. The key is two people who want to keep trying. • Anonymous said… Find a support group. It's easy for people to say "everyone is wired differently" but let's be honest - that puts the burden on the non-aspie partner to figure out how to deal because the aspie really cannot contribute to resolving the language barrier that happens in this situation. And there is a significant amount that is lost in translation leaving the non- aspire partner feeling not understood, not cared for and even unloved. My support group was the best thing that ever happened to me. Women who understand what it's like to be married to someone with Aspergers - no one else can even begin to understand the challenge. Many of the people at the adult Asperger's support groups I go to comment that their diagnosis made their marriages to their NT partner much happier. I think the linked article is pretty balanced. It points out that both people in the relationship need to work at understanding the other. The challenges are not because ONE partner "is wired differently", it's because TWO people have brains wired differently to each other. BOTH people in the relationship need to be willing to understand and adapt to each other's outlook. • Anonymous said… I completely understand the feelings. She is asking for advice. She didnt just up and leave. This is an example of true love. She is trying to understand and reach out for help. I agree with David Iverson. • Anonymous said… In my case my wife died before I got my diagnosis. We managed OK for 16 years but a lot of things fell into place in hindsight once I had the diagnosis. There were some arguments that I now understand were down to mutual misunderstanding from our brains being "wired differently" . Or times when we both felt a little unloved or uncared for because we didn't recognise the way the other was expressing their love. I can collate some of those things and ask the guys at the support group for their experiences to get something together. • Anonymous said… It also means being willings to understand what each person needs. That should be made very clear at the outset. This is not about right or wrong....just differences ....and what you can live with and what you can't. • Anonymous said… My partner has aspergers and honestly its not much of a relationship. Its a struggle & he doesn't care. Post your comment below…
"Is it common for people with ASD to also have panic attacks?"
People with Autism Spectrum Disorder [High-Functioning Autism] are often prone to anxiety, which in extreme situations can lead to panic attacks. A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, the sufferer might think she is losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.
Many people have just one or two panic attacks in their lifetimes, and the problem goes away, perhaps when a stressful situation ends. But if an individual has had recurrent, unexpected panic attacks and spent long periods in constant fear of another attack, she may have a condition called panic disorder. Panic attacks were once dismissed as nerves or stress, but they're now recognized as a real medical condition. Although panic attacks can significantly affect quality of life, treatment can be very effective.
Panic attacks typically begin suddenly, without warning. They can strike at almost any time —driving the car, at the mall, sound asleep, or in the middle of a business meeting. Panic attacks have many variations, but symptoms usually peak within 10 minutes. The sufferer may feel fatigued and worn out after a panic attack subsides. Panic attacks typically include a few or many of these symptoms:
Abdominal cramping
Chest pain
Chills
Dizziness
Faintness
Fear of loss of control or death
Headache
Hot flashes
Hyperventilation
Nausea
Rapid heart rate
Sense of impending doom or danger
Shortness of breath
Sweating
Tightness in your throat
Trembling
Trouble swallowing
One of the worst things about panic attacks is the intense fear that another one will occur. The sufferer may fear having a panic attack so much that he avoids situations where they may occur. He may even feel unable to leave his home (called agoraphobia) because no place feels safe.
ASD adults who have any panic attack symptoms should seek medical help as soon as possible. Panic attacks are hard to manage without assistance, and they may get worse without treatment. And because panic attack symptoms can also resemble other serious health problems (e.g., a heart attack), it's important to get evaluated by a health care provider if the individual is not sure what's causing her symptoms. It's not known what causes panic attacks or panic disorder, but these factors may play a role:
Certain changes in the way parts of the brain function
Genetics
Major stress
Temperament that is more susceptible to stress
Some research suggests that the body's natural fight-or-flight response to danger is involved in panic attacks. For example, if a grizzly bear came after you, your body would react instinctively. Your heart rate and breathing would speed up as your body prepared itself for a life-threatening situation. Many of the same reactions occur in a panic attack. But it's not known why a panic attack occurs when there's no obvious danger present. Symptoms of panic disorder often start in the late teens or early adulthood and affect more females than males. Factors that may increase the risk of developing panic attacks or panic disorder include:
Death or serious illness of a loved one
Experiencing a traumatic event (e.g., an accident or sexual assault)
Family history of panic attacks or panic disorder
History of childhood physical or sexual abuse
Major changes in one’s life (e.g., the addition of a baby)
Left untreated, panic attacks and panic disorder can result in severe complications that affect almost every area of life. The sufferer may be so afraid of having more panic attacks that he lives in a constant state of fear, ruining all quality of life. Complications that panic attacks may cause or be linked to include:
Alcohol or substance abuse
Avoidance of social situations
Depression
Development of specific phobias (e.g., fear of driving or leaving the house)
Financial problems
Increased risk of suicide or suicidal thoughts
Problems at work or school
If you have had signs or symptoms of a panic attack, make an appointment with your physician. After an initial evaluation, the physician may refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist for treatment. Here's some information to help you prepare for your appointment and what to expect from the physician:
Ask a trusted family member or friend to go with you to your appointment, if possible, to lend support and help you remember information.
Make a list of your symptoms, including when they first occurred and how often you've had them.
Write down key personal information, including traumatic events in your past and any stressful, major events that occurred before your first panic attack.
Write down medical information, including other physical or mental health conditions that you have and the names of any medications you're taking.
Write down questions to ask your physician (e.g., Do I need any diagnostic tests? Is it possible that an underlying medical problem is causing my symptoms? Is there anything I can do now to help manage my symptoms? Should I see a mental health specialist? What do you believe is causing my symptoms?).
Write down questions to ask your mental health provider (e.g., Are there any brochures or other printed material that I can take home with me? Are there any self-care steps I can take to help manage my condition? Do I have panic attacks or panic disorder? For how long will I need to take medication? How will you monitor whether my treatment is working? If you're recommending medications, are there any possible side effects? If you're recommending therapy, how often will I need it and for how long? What can I do now to reduce the risk of my panic attacks recurring? What treatment approach do you recommend? What websites do you recommend visiting? Would group therapy be helpful in my case?).
A physician or mental health provider who sees you for possible panic attacks or panic disorder may ask any of the following questions:
Did you experience significant stress or a traumatic event shortly before your first panic attack?
Do you avoid the locations or experiences that seem to trigger an attack?
Do you exercise?
Do you use caffeine, alcohol or recreational drugs? How often?
Does anything in particular seem to trigger an attack?
Have you been diagnosed with any medical conditions?
Have you experienced significant trauma — such as physical or sexual abuse or military battle — in your lifetime?
Have you or any of your close relatives been diagnosed with a mental health problem, including panic attacks or panic disorder?
How do your symptoms affect your life, including school, work and personal relationships?
How often do you experience fear of another attack?
How often do your attacks occur, and how long do they last?
How would you describe your childhood, including your relationship with your parents?
What are your symptoms, and when did they first occur?
To help pinpoint a diagnosis for your symptoms, you'll likely have several exams and tests. Your physician or other health care provider must determine if you have panic attacks, panic disorder or another condition (e.g., heart or thyroid problems) that resembles panic symptoms. You may have any of the following:
Psychological self-assessments and questionnaires
Inquiries about alcohol or other substance abuse
Blood tests to check your thyroid and other possible conditions and tests on your heart, such as an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG), to help determine how well it's functioning
An evaluation by your physician or mental health provider to talk about your symptoms, stressful situations, fears or concerns, relationship problems, and other issues affecting your life
Not everyone who has panic attacks has a panic disorder. To be diagnosed with panic disorder, you must meet these criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association:
At least one of your attacks has been followed by one month or more of ongoing worry about having another attack; ongoing fear of the consequences of an attack, such as losing control, having a heart attack or "going crazy" or significantly changing your behavior, such as avoiding situations that you think may trigger a panic attack.
You have frequent, unexpected panic attacks.
Your panic attacks aren't caused by substance abuse, a medical condition or another mental health condition, such as social phobia or obsessive compulsive disorder.
For some adults on the spectrum, panic disorder includes agoraphobia (i.e., avoiding places or situations that cause you anxiety because you fear not being able to escape or get help if you have a panic attack). If you have panic attacks but not a diagnosed panic disorder, you can still benefit from treatment. If panic attacks aren't treated, they can get worse and develop into panic disorder or phobias.
The goal of treatment is to eliminate all of your panic attack symptoms. With effective treatment, most people are eventually able to resume everyday activities. The main treatment options for panic attacks are psychotherapy and medications. Both are effective. Your physician likely will recommend one or both types of treatment, depending on your preference, your history, the severity of your panic disorder and whether there are therapists with special training in panic disorders in your area.
Psychotherapy is considered an effective first choice treatment for panic attacks and panic disorder. Psychotherapy can help you understand panic attacks and panic disorder and learn how to cope with them.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you learn through your own experience that panic symptoms are not dangerous. During therapy sessions, your therapist will help you gradually re-create the symptoms of a panic attack in a safe, supportive setting. Once the physical sensations of panic no longer seem threatening, the attacks begin to resolve. Successful treatment can also help you overcome fears of situations that you've been avoiding because of panic attacks.
Your therapist may suggest weekly meetings when you begin psychotherapy. You may start to see improvements in panic attack symptoms within several weeks, and often symptoms decrease significantly or go away within several months. As your symptoms improve, you and your therapist will develop a plan to taper off therapy. You may agree to schedule occasional maintenance visits to help ensure that your panic attacks remain under control.
Medications can help reduce symptoms associated with panic attacks as well as depression if that is an issue for you. Several types of medication have been shown to be effective in managing symptoms of panic attacks, including:
Benzodiazepines- These mild sedatives belong to a group of medicines called central nervous system depressants. Benzodiazepines may be habit-forming (causing mental or physical dependence), especially when taken for a long time or in high doses. Benzodiazepines approved by the FDA for the treatment of panic disorder include alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax), clonazepam (Klonopin) and lorazepam (Ativan). If you seek care in an emergency room for signs and symptoms of a panic attack, you may be given a benzodiazepine to help stop the attack.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)- Generally safe with a low risk of serious side effects, SSRI antidepressants are typically recommended as the first choice of medications to treat panic attacks. SSRIs approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for the treatment of panic disorder include fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva) and sertraline (Zoloft).
Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs)- These medications are another class of antidepressants. The SNRI drug called venlafaxine hydrochloride (Effexor XR) is FDA approved for the treatment of panic disorder.
If one medication doesn't work well for you, your physician may recommend switching to another or combining certain medications to boost effectiveness. Keep in mind that it can take several weeks after first starting a medication to notice an improvement in symptoms. All medications have a risk of side effects, and some may not be recommended in certain situations, such as pregnancy. Talk with your physician about the possible side effects and risks.
Researchers have explored a number of natural remedies as possible treatments for anxiety disorders, including panic disorder. Small studies over 10 years old indicate that an oral nutritional supplement called inositol, which influences the action of serotonin, may reduce the frequency and severity of panic attacks. However, more research is needed. Talk with your physician before trying any natural therapies. These products can cause side effects and may interact with other medications. Your physician can help determine if they are safe for you.
While panic attacks and panic disorder benefit from professional treatment, you can also help manage symptoms on your own. Some of the lifestyle and self-care steps you can take include:
Avoid caffeine, alcohol and illegal drugs. All of these can trigger or worsen panic attacks.
Get physically active. Aerobic activity may have a calming effect on your mood.
Get sufficient sleep. Get enough sleep so that you don't feel drowsy during the day.
Join a support group. Joining a group for people with panic attacks or anxiety disorders can connect you with others facing the same problems.
Practice stress management and relaxation techniques. For example, yoga, deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation — tensing one muscle at a time, and then completely releasing the tension until every muscle in the body is relaxed — also may be helpful.
Stick to your treatment plan. Facing your fears can be difficult, but treatment can help you feel like you're not a hostage in your own home.
“All of a sudden my husband (who has ASD) is telling me he is happier being alone. He is trying to find "HIMSELF" and says he loves me and is physically attracted to me but doesn't love me the way i love him. He says he needs space. He is very stressed about his current job and is looking for a new one. His father who he was extremely close to died a little over a yr ago, and he did tell me since his dad died his life has fell apart. He said he has lost enjoyment in things he used to do. We used to hang out and go everywhere together and had fun, but that hasn't happened for a quite a while and now says he needs to keep his distance from me to figure out what he wants. He suffers depression and anxiety. He is 42 yrs old and we have been married almost 23 yrs. Can you please help me …give me some insight …tell me how i should and should not approach this? Does this sound like a midlife crisis?”
Many men – with ASD or not – go through a phase when they take a hard look at the life they're living. They think they could be happier, and if they need to make a big change, they feel the urge to do it soon. These thoughts can trigger a midlife crisis.
Below are some of the symptoms of the “man-version” of a midlife crisis:
has little interest in spending time (or having sex) with his wife
displays the classic signs of depression (e.g., sleeping more, loss of appetite)
drinks too much or abuses other substances
is overly nostalgic and constantly reminiscing about his youth or his first love
suddenly makes hasty decisions about money and/or his career
thinks about having an affair (or already has)
makes a dramatic change in his personal appearance
says life has become boring
If you believe your husband is indeed going through a midlife crisis, here are 20 crucial tips for helping him through it (however, keep in mind that it will probably get worse before it gets better):
1. Find support for yourself (e.g., through a trusted friend or colleague, therapist, clergy, support group, etc.). Taking care of yourself through these times will help you to stay physically and mentally healthy. Only then can you truly help your husband. Take care of you FIRST!
2. A physical checkup may be in order. For both men and women, the physical changes which occur in mid-life have a definite effect on behavior.
3. Don't start off with questions when trying to engage your husband in a conversation. Instead, share with him what you are seeing, that you understand he must be struggling, and that you want to support him.
4. Play some upbeat music that encourages your husband to dance, sing and laugh. Choose anything that reminds him of being young again.
5. Seek counseling if necessary, and be sure that your husband isn't turning to drugs or alcohol to deal with his problems.
6. Even if you think your husband is crazy, muster the desire to offer reassurance and validation.
7. Focus on conveying that you are not demanding answers from your husband, but that you want to understand what he is experiencing. Join him in being mystified and even curious about his dilemma.
8. It will always be helpful to stay positive and compliment your husband when possible. This may bolster his self-confidence and let him know that he is loved despite what he is going through.
9. Don't ask the "why" questions (e.g., “Why do you need so much time alone these days?” …or “What has happened between the two of us?”). These questions demand explanations and accountings. Your husband probably doesn't know the answers anyway. Probing questions only add fear and angst to the existing issue.
10. Be open to learning more about yourself, your husband – and how Asperger’s affects relationships. This information will improve your relationship after the crisis has passed (yes, it will pass).
11. In those rare moments when your husband wants to “open up,” listen – not just for what he is saying – but for what he is NOT saying. Listen to what is underneath what he is saying (e.g., feelings, values, fears, etc.).
12. Pay close attention to your husband's mood and behavior. Make sure he is not overloading himself with work or other things. Make sure he is taking breaks so he doesn’t feel stressed-out. Stress exacerbates a midlife crisis.
13. Sometimes a midlife crisis makes men very self-conscious of their bodies. Depending on the physical health of the both of you, you and your husband should consider adopting an exercise or health regimen. This will allow you to participate in activities together while giving your husband a boost of confidence.
14. Your husband might be feeling self-conscious or worried about growing old without having accomplished important goals. If you make an effort to understand these feelings, you can both go through this together.
15. While there are many positive features associated with a midlife crisis, your husband is most likely experiencing the negative features more strongly. Mood swings are common and may range from mild to severe. Watch for signs of depression, rage, resentment or despondency in your husband, and try to talk about it if you feel that things are going too far.
16. Spend time with others who look at the lighter side of life. Look for every opportunity to laugh with them and embrace it.
17. Men in a midlife crisis feel the need to be young again and may develop new interests. Support your husband as best as you can in his new interests – and if possible, participate. Even if you don't have an interest, you should know that new activities will bring the two of you closer together.
18. When your husband initiates conversations with you, be sure to listen without passing judgment. He is probably experiencing doubt and confusion about what he is going through. Giving an opinion or judging how he is feeling or thinking should be kept to yourself. Yes, your husband may say things that you feel are crazy, and a conversation with him may leave you dizzy in the head. Nonetheless, don't try to explain the error of his thinking no matter how irrational. Don't try to get him to see it from your perspective. He will have to figure it out on his own.
19. Your husband wants to feel validated in his efforts to recapture his youth, so focus on the positive parts of a midlife crisis (e.g., an increased fervor for life). If your husband wants to start going to the gym six times a week, look at it as a healthy endeavor rather than an attempt to stay away from family.
20. Lastly, know that as your Asperger's husband goes through this period of change in his life, you can count on him doing things that will make you pissed as hell. Lashing out at your husband may help you feel better for the moment, but it won't change his thinking or behavior and will only lead to more conflict in the relationship. Get rid of your anger and avoid engaging in conflict. No amount of “reasoning with,” yelling, cursing or crying is going to make any difference if your husband is truly going through a midlife crisis. This thing will simply have to run its course. So, “go with the flow” rather than trying to stop it.
• Anonymous said... Sounds like he needs anti depressants. • Anonymous said... Ok...might not be what you want to hear but this sounds very familiar to me as my ex husband said the same...then went in to blame me for everything wrong in his life from getting migraines to losing his job due to his aspergers...we tried mediation, it was a nightmare, he went to see a counsellor whom he refused to talk to....he needed time to think, etc etc. Turned out he had met an old friend thru facebook and obviously it was far easier to talk to her online than to me face to face! Advice...try and be completely unemotional when talking to him, remember the world is black and white for him, try communicating thru email if he has left the house as he will find this easier as more distanced but be very very careful what and how you write things, applys to talking too! Try talking whilst going for a walk. Be careful how u give him space, expect everything u have said that he has taken badly but not shared to be regurgiated now... long memories! And good luck...deep breath. You will survive what ever happens by the way....you will find u have far more strength than u ever felt possible. Feel free to pm me... • Anonymous said... Don't be afraid to get him the help he needs. It sounds like the time to be alone more is a coping strategy of his. To some extent, it's definitely OK. But to some extent, that's a quality of life issue if he is in solitude so much. In my opinion, start exploring the possibility of psychologists, occupational therapist, or even an autism life coach. Psychologist is probably the best bet in terms of the type of person he should be talking to. OT is not so far behind, and in some cases better, if he/she specializes in mental health (I know it because I studied it.). Autism life coach can be hit or miss. You want to check the coach's educational background to see if he/she is equipped for the task. • Anonymous said... Be patient. Give him space. Be understanding. Listen when he talks (no need to try and "fix" anything....because you are already helping just by listening!). Know that his confusion right now is nothing to do with you. He needs to figure stuff out. He will respect you for allowing him to do these things....affairs NOT INCLUDED!!!! I highly recommend having him talk to a psychologist ....scary title ...for someone with great listening skills and therapeutic advice!! The brain is such a complex organ and needs to be taken care of when in turmoil. Talking to anyone (but preferably a medical person) is the best medicine. Good luck to both of you. * Anonymous said... Too late for me.... my now ex-wife knew I have Aspergers and did everything she could to trigger my meltdowns and forced me into situations with lots of new people until I isolated myself for my own peace of mind. * Anonymous said... My asperger partners behavior was so erratic I never
knew which end was up or why. There was no real communication,
explanation or taking responsibility for his behavior
* As an NT spouse, it can be incredibly lonely. Staying calm and
non-judgemental in these kind of situations can be extremely
challenging. I myself have been experiencing the same as my spouse’
behaviour has been incredibly erratic especially now, during the
pandemic as he also has severe anxiety issues.
I have and still am learning to assure my Aspie spouse that he has a
safe place at home where he can be, and that I trust in his love for me -
yes, he wanted time alone a few weeks ago.
It is important not to react immediately, not to question/demand but
choose to understand and accept even though it may be difficult.
Lastly, I have a family that understands the situation and is
supportive...it helps. My spouse has a couple of close friends who now
are aware of this and continue to remain in touch.
I have been keeping a daily routine of morning walks and yoga which he
knows, is my me time and this has helped to bring some stability.
Have you ever thought of your partner or spouse on the autism spectrum as the absent-minded and socially-inept “nutty professor”?
Many extra-intelligent people with Asperger’s and high-functioning autism have high levels of technical ability, but are seen by others as having rather forgetful and odd behaviors outside the realm of their professional expertise.
It has been observed that high IQ types on the autism spectrum are often lacking in common sense – especially when it comes to dealing with other human beings.
Traits you may witness in your ASD partner:
Strengths: Thinks critically; has high expectancies; is self-critical and evaluates others.
Possible Problems: Critical or intolerant toward others; may become discouraged or depressed; perfectionist.
Strengths: Large vocabulary and facile verbal proficiency; broad information in advanced areas.
Possible Problems: May use words to escape or avoid situations; becomes bored easily; seen by others as a "know it all."
Strengths: Intense concentration; long attention span in areas of interest; goal-directed behavior; persistence.
Possible Problems: Resists interruption; neglects duties or people during period of focused interests; stubbornness.
Strengths: Inquisitive attitude, intellectual curiosity; intrinsic motivation; searching for significance.
Possible Problems: Asks embarrassing questions; strong-willed; resists direction; seems excessive in interests; expects same of others.
Strengths: Independent; prefers individualized work; reliant on self.
Possible Problems: May reject others’ input; non-conformity; may be unconventional.
Strengths: High energy, alertness, eagerness; periods of intense efforts.
Possible Problems: Frustration with inactivity; eagerness may disrupt others' schedules; needs continual stimulation; may be seen as hyperactive.
Strengths: Enjoys organizing things and people into structure and order; seeks to systematize.
Possible Problems: Constructs complicated rules or systems; may be seen as bossy, rude, or domineering.
Strengths: Ability to conceptualize, abstract, synthesize; enjoys problem-solving and intellectual activity.
Possible Problems: Rejects or omits details; resists practice or drill; questions others' instructions/directives.
Is it possible that your partner or spouse who has Asperger's (or high-functioning autism) also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? The answer is: Yes!
As many parents can attest to, ODD is not an uncommon comorbid disorder in children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Most kids with ODD outgrow the disorder by age eight or nine.
But, about half of them continue to experience symptoms into adulthood. These people report feeling angry most of the time, and about 40% of them become progressively worse and develop antisocial personality disorder.
Adults with ODD often feel mad at the world, and lose their temper regularly (e.g., verbal abuse, road rage.) Constant opposition to authority figures makes it difficult for them to keep jobs and to maintain relationships and marriages. They are particularly quick to anger, are impatient, and have a low tolerance for frustration. They usually feel misunderstood and disliked, hemmed in, and pushed around. Also, they often defend themselves relentlessly when someone says they’ve said or done something wrong.
Signs of ODD that may be apparent at work include:
Commonly feeling oppressed by office rules
Has meltdowns during meetings or annual reviews after receiving constructive criticism
Near constant arguments with a boss or coworkers
Previously fired for inappropriate behavior toward coworkers in heated moments
Purposely engaging in behaviors that irritate coworkers
Sanctioned by human resources for violating company policies
Passive-aggressive behaviors
Signs of ODD that may be apparent at home include:
Leaves his dirty clothes on the floor just because he knows it annoys his partner or spouse
Involved in physical altercations in public
Has a hair-trigger temper (the littlest thing can set him off)
Continues to fight against authority figures and society
Cited for disorderly conduct by police
Always needs to win the argument with a parent or spouse
Passive-aggressive behaviors
Are some ODD behaviors more serious or severe than others?
Any behaviors which would cause an adult to move from job to job or have serious difficulty in relationships with others (especially spouses) could have strong, negative consequences.
Are there any other conditions that can be associated with ODD?
Yes there are. Sometimes conditions like diabetes, ADD, serious health conditions or learning disabilities create a “hiding” place for oppositionality and defiance. In these cases, ODD behaviors “hide” behind the primary condition, which provides an “excuse” for noncompliance. (Example: an ODD spouse refuses to work, continually claiming he is being treated unfairly by his boss.)
Can an ODD adult be diagnosed as both ODD and ADHD?
Absolutely.
Exactly what is ODD?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a diagnosed condition of negativistic, hostile and defiant behavior that includes symptoms of low frustration tolerance, argumentativeness, defiance, noncompliance, oppositionality, provocation, blaming, spitefulness, irritability, resentment, anger or vindictiveness. (Not all of these symptoms need to apply for a diagnosis to be made.)
How is ODD diagnosed?
ODD is diagnosed by an appropriately certified or licensed health service professional that assesses a client and makes the diagnosis as it pertains to established criteria. The most commonly used criteria are found in the most current edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
How much do external events and circumstances play into ODD?
They can easily make the ODD much better or much worse.
I find my husband is defiant toward some people, but not others. Why is this?
ODD behavior is highly reactive to the environmental situations and circumstances. This certainly includes differences in authority figures, how they relate to the ODD adult, and how they "package" their expectations.
My ODD husband went to a counselor and was told after one visit that there was nothing wrong with him. I was totally frustrated about the whole thing. Why would a counselor say this?
The ODD adult, for awhile, can look perfectly fine in every regard. This is why a good therapist or counselor puts more stock in the “hard” facts about the client, not what the client is saying or doing in early visits.
If my ODD husband is depressed, what can be done to help him?
The depression needs to be evaluated and treated. It is common for oppositional and defiant behaviors to lessen as the depression is addressed. Sometimes medication helps.
Is lying a typical behavior of ODD?
It certainly can be. Usually, behaviors like lying differ from one individual to another as they become more severe in their behaviors. Many professionals believe that lying and stealing often go together.
Is ODD inherited?
Although there probably isn't an "ODD gene," characteristics like disposition and temperament can probably be inherited.
Is there any connection between ODD and the use or abuse of drugs and alcohol?
There probably is a connection, but not necessarily a direct one. ODD behaviors can occur in adults who are unhappy. Alcohol and drugs are one kind of "self" medication.
I've heard that many ODD adults are depressed? Is this true?
Yes. About half of them also met the criteria for depression.
My husband walks half a block down the street to help a senior citizen bring in her groceries, but he won't ever take out the trash at OUR house? Why is this?
First of all, he wants to look like a good, kind and caring man. But consider that the job of helping the lady with her groceries is essentially a one-shot deal. Taking out the trash at home could last for years, not to mention the fact that we are much more direct in our behaviors of resistance and refusal with those who already know us well.
Sometimes it seems to me that my husband actually enjoys it when I become upset with him. Why is this?
He has gotten the satisfaction of knowing he has gotten to you. This “trap” is one of the toughest ones for spouses to deal with.
What about "passive-aggressive" behavior? Is that the same as oppositional defiant?
“Passive-aggressive” behavior is a term that was used to describe both children and adults before there ever was a classification of ODD. Specifically, passive-aggressive behavior is but one type of oppositional and defiant behavior. Persistent and problematic passive-aggressive behavior in adults is more properly diagnosed using adult classifications, often falling under the general category of "personality disorders."
What are some of the signs that a child might become Conduct Disordered?
Things like family history, especially parents and siblings having trouble with the law, the activities of a child's "friends," a history of abuse or severe neglect in the home, use of alcohol and drugs, and a youngster's level of regard for others could all be indications.
What happens when ODD children become adults?
They can take their problems with them, causing difficulty in their relationships, marriage and work. The divorce rate, employment difficulties, and the abuse of alcohol or drugs is usually higher in this population of young adults.
What is the difference between an ODD adult and one who is just stubborn?
Stubborn people know when to give it up. They don't continue with their stubbornness to the degree and point that it creates serious hardships for them. Stubbornness can even be an attribute, such as a resolve that can shine through in tough times. Not so with ODD, which, by nature of being a disorder, works against the person's best interest.
What is the difference between ODD and ADD?
ODD is a psychological condition that, favorably or not, is responsive to external situations and circumstances. ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) is brain-related, a neurological condition or immaturity that causes a person to have difficulty focusing on tasks. The condition of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) states that the person is additionally hyperactive and impulsive.
What is the likelihood that an ODD adult will become more severe in his or her behaviors (aggressive and anti-social)?
Here we're talking about serious, acting-out behaviors that could involve the law. Current data indicates about one in three ODD people will move on into a more serious disorder.
What would happen if an ODD adult is depressed, but the depression goes unaddressed or untreated?
Both the ODD and the depression will continue to worsen to the detriment of the individual. Self-injury or even suicidal attempts are a possibility.
Is there any hope if my husband has this disorder called ODD?
Most wives of ODD husbands find that the parenting strategies used with ODD children ALSO work with ODD husbands. Why? Because ODD adults are very immature for their age. You may have a husband who is chronologically 35-years-old, but emotionally more like a 21-year-old. So, yes there is hope!
• Anonymous said... I am also wondering this. Married 25 years and have had enough as it seems so much worse now such a rollercoaster. I dread waking up now as it all starts again day in day out. Tried a few times of asking him to leave but always feel so guilty so we are still carrying on. Friends say i have Stockholm :( • Anonymous said... this sounds just like my AS husband. Only we're still married with a two yr old. I wish I could leave. I'm miserable. • Anonymous said... Hmm, I'm dealing with somebody like this. I was looking for how pyrroles treatment is tricky in people with Tourette's, and my eye was drawn to this term as one of the conditions often associated with pyrroles. Sure enough, it seems it applies to my freind. He is nearly 80 and since gotten more well is back to this stuff. Oppositional to reason when it doesn't suite him, and difficulties in accessing things. He opposes authority in a way he is not content unless he is expressing authority/superiority over other people. His history is like what has been described here. The thing about ODD ending abruptly when you are 18: As the term doesn't mention childhood, it should persist throughout life. • Anonymous said... I can't leave because I am on social security. Life is upsetting wirh him every minute if everyday. No cooperatiin the blaming nme fir stupid made up stuff in hus mind. Belittling me . I say blue he says green. Can't have an adult conversation discuss solutions to problems with him. He thinks he is right about everything. • Anonymous said... I have a boyfriend he has all the signs and symptoms of O.D.D. he told me he has ADHD. We were at a restaurant he got upset and started rage yelling the manager was going to call the cops.I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I have tried to end our relationship he always begs me not to leave. We love each other it's very exhausting. I told him he needs to get help If this relationship will work. He says he wants to change. He needs to show me. I've caught him in so many lies. • Anonymous said... I have an aspie husband I think has odd… my child has odd just diagnosed I'm about to throw in the towel I can't handle it double dosed. What support can I find for me to cope better and not get overwhelmed • Anonymous said... I have been living with an aspergers spouse with undiagnosed ODD for 26 yrs. Is it possible that the condition worsens with age? • Anonymous said... I have had enough of being an ODD parent to my husband - I am exhausted! • Anonymous said... I was told recently by my current mental health RNP that ODD is only a kid thing, and that I couldn't possibly have it because I am an adult. SO FRUSTRATING. • Anonymous said... last few days our class held a similar talk about this subject and you point out something we have not covered yet, thanks. • Anonymous said... My adult son has ODD. A Lifetime of struggles. Refuses therapy, self meditates with weed, unable and unwilling to live on any kind if budget, spends all his money on good times and weed, puts no priority into meeting his financial obligations first, always pressuring me into helping him financially. Always angry, emotional outbursts on a regular basis, he is a Terrible Son,also a terrible Father, drove wife away and 2 years later continues to obsess about her, refusing to accept it's over and blames everyone else for his plight. My feelings for him go from love to hate and wanting him to go away forever....but he won't, and no hope for change because he refuses to accept his condition or get any therapy. Went to family counseling for 8 years as a kid and never got help because HE REFUSED TO PARTICIPATE. Finally letting him move into a house I own 2000 miles away in hope that our relationship might improve. I'm over 60 years old and I'm exhausted with this.....dont I have a right to some peace and happiness without having some guilt trip put on me or some havoc being created to prevent me from living my life????? HELP!!!!! • Anonymous said... At what point do we say that this type of behavior is more likely trait(s) of personality disorder than O.D.D.? Esp in adult (62 yo) who grew up in a world that didnt recognize hfa until they were age 30
Yes… it’s part of the disorder. And, there are several important reasons why people with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism are “inflexible” (to use your term). We call this “cognitive rigidity”:
Yes… it’s part of the disorder. And, there are several important reasons why people with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism are “inflexible” (to use your term). We call this “cognitive rigidity”:
