The longer you listen to understand [rather than to mount a defense], the deeper your understanding of your NT wife's thoughts, feelings and motives. This deeper understanding then translates to a deeper "emotional connection" - which is the #1 thing your NT wife has wanted all along!
Crucial Point: "Active listening" is defined as (a) paying full attention with no distractions (e.g., not looking at your cell phone), (b) periodically paraphrasing what your wife has said (i.e., repeating her main points using your own words), and (c) validation (i.e., "I hear you, I understand you, and I respect that this is your truth").
In the event you use a paraphrase, but she says you didn't get her point, ask her to repeat that point using slightly different wording. Then try paraphrasing again until she says, "Yes, that's what I'm saying."
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.