If you are a neurotypical (NT) woman
considering getting into a relationship with a man known to have
Asperger’s (high-functioning autism), you may want to be aware of the following types:1. Routines Are Paramount— This individual finds great comfort in routine and will be very disappointed if his partner tries to surprise him or change him in anyway. His day-to-day schedule always looks the same – eats the same food, goes to bed at the same time, has the same (few) friends, etc.
If you try to spice things up a bit, you may find that he gets very anxious and angry. He HATES change of any kind, which often makes for a very boring life for his partner. This guy is prone to rage and meltdowns.
2. Other People Can Pick Up the Slack— This man is initially fun and alive - and oh so sweet. He carries his share of the load in the relationship (e.g., with chores, paying bills, raising the kids, etc.). But, after a few years, he regresses into lazy teenager, glued to the computer and leaving you to pick up the slack. This usually causes his partner to become very frustrated and bitter. She also goes through the years feeling very alone.
Unfortunately, when she confronts him, he puts a negative spin on her complaints and attempts to make her look like the “bad guy.” His refusal to look at his contribution to the relations problems often brings out the worst in the woman (she can’t fix the problem, and efforts to fix it makes it worse).
3.
Logic Over Emotion— This individual never talks about his inner feelings.
Instead, he’s overly logical. He’s very biased to his values and belief
system – and finds it extremely difficult to empathize and to understand
other’s point of view. He may appear highly self-centered and is always
absorbed in his own activities, thoughts and challenges, which often
makes his woman feel neglected and unloved.
4.
Hot, Then Cold— Unfortunately, this guy gives no clues up front that
his commitment-level will wane over time. In the early stages of the
relationship, you may find that he is literally obsessed with you –
texting you all the time, saying all the right things, wanting to spend A
LOT of time with you, etc. However, after a few months (or years), he
loses interest and instead focuses on work or one of his other (new)
obsessions. In addition, his sex drive may diminish drastically.
His early passion for you was indeed genuine, but once the newness of the relationship wears off, he feels the need to find a new passion rather than keeping the former passion alive and pumping.
His early passion for you was indeed genuine, but once the newness of the relationship wears off, he feels the need to find a new passion rather than keeping the former passion alive and pumping.
5.
Goals 1st and Relationships 2nd— This individual may come across as utterly
heartless. He is mainly goal-oriented and has zero tolerance for
mistakes. Break his trust once, and you may pay the price for several
weeks – if not months. He will likely be the type of partner that is
very stubborn and immovable about many matters (e.g., you suggest that
the two of you go on a 4-day cruise, and he says, “No way in hell!”).
Don’t try to argue with this guy, because he is NEVER wrong. On the upside, he is usually very successful, financially independent, and educated (e.g., an engineer or accountant).
It likely that many men with ASD have varying degrees of all (or most) of the traits listed above, but tend to exhibit one or two types predominately.
Don’t try to argue with this guy, because he is NEVER wrong. On the upside, he is usually very successful, financially independent, and educated (e.g., an engineer or accountant).
It likely that many men with ASD have varying degrees of all (or most) of the traits listed above, but tend to exhibit one or two types predominately.
Now
that we’ve looked at these 5 types of ASD men, NT partners need
to understand that relationships don’t really thrive on love. Rather,
they thrive on acceptance, compassion and understanding.
Some woman can find it in the heart to accept the things they can’t change and to stay in a relationship that didn’t turn out the way they thought it would. Others may feel the need to move on and build a relationship that’s more in line with their expectations. Either way is acceptable – and nobody has the right to judge!
Some woman can find it in the heart to accept the things they can’t change and to stay in a relationship that didn’t turn out the way they thought it would. Others may feel the need to move on and build a relationship that’s more in line with their expectations. Either way is acceptable – and nobody has the right to judge!
(Note: There would be a third option, and a very sad one indeed. And that would be for the NT woman to simply tough it out, never accepting things for what they are, and living a life that she may deem "miserable" and unsatisfying.)
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples and Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
