1. Routines Are Paramount— This individual finds great comfort in routine and will be very disappointed if his partner tries to surprise him or change him in anyway. His day-to-day schedule always looks the same – eats the same food, goes to bed at the same time, has the same (few) friends, etc.
If you try to spice things up a bit, you may find that he gets very anxious and angry. He HATES change of any kind, which often makes for a very boring life for his partner. This guy is prone to rage and meltdowns.
2. Other People Can Pick Up the Slack— This man is initially fun and alive - and oh so sweet. He carries his share of the load in the relationship (e.g., with chores, paying bills, raising the kids, etc.). But, after a few years, he regresses into lazy teenager, glued to the computer and leaving you to pick up the slack. This usually causes his partner to become very frustrated and bitter. She also goes through the years feeling very alone.
Unfortunately, when she confronts him, he puts a negative spin on her complaints and attempts to make her look like the “bad guy.” His refusal to look at his contribution to the relations problems often brings out the worst in the woman (she can’t fix the problem, and efforts to fix it makes it worse).
His early passion for you was indeed genuine, but once the newness of the relationship wears off, he feels the need to find a new passion rather than keeping the former passion alive and pumping.
Don’t try to argue with this guy, because he is NEVER wrong. On the upside, he is usually very successful, financially independent, and educated (e.g., an engineer or accountant).
It likely that many men with ASD have varying degrees of all (or most) of the traits listed above, but tend to exhibit one or two types predominately.
Some woman can find it in the heart to accept the things they can’t change and to stay in a relationship that didn’t turn out the way they thought it would. Others may feel the need to move on and build a relationship that’s more in line with their expectations. Either way is acceptable – and nobody has the right to judge!
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples: