Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise? Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile...

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Paranoia in the Asperger's Mind

Help for adults with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism who struggle in relationships:



The Paranoid Aspie

The paranoid Aspie is often hypersensitive and easily slighted. He often thinks he is in danger and looks for threats of that danger, not appreciating other evidence. He tends to be guarded and suspicious and has quite a constricted emotional life. His reduced capacity for meaningful emotional involvement and the general pattern of withdrawal often lend a quality of isolation to his life experience.

Other characteristics of the paranoid Aspie include:
  • a combative and tenacious sense of personal rights and “the truth” 
  • excessive sensitivity to setbacks and rebuffs 
  • preoccupation with unsubstantiated "conspiratorial" explanations of events
  • refusal to forgive insults and injuries
  • suspiciousness and a pervasive tendency to distort experience by misconstruing the neutral or friendly actions of others as hostile or contemptuous
  • tendency to bear grudges persistently
  • tendency to experience excessive self-importance, manifest in a persistent self-referential attitude



One man with Aspergers describes his Aspergers-related paranoia as "Assholeperger's Syndrome." He states:

"You made an excellent illustration of what I call my 'Assholeperger's Syndrome'. Usually I can realize that I have made a big mistake but it may be long after everyone involved has moved on. It is really hard for me to know what to do when this happens so I usually find myself just avoiding that person."

While it is fairly normal for everyone to have some degree of paranoia about certain situations in their lives (e.g., worry about an impending set of layoffs at work), the paranoid Aspie takes this to an extreme. It pervades nearly every professional and personal relationship she has.

The Aspie who is prone to paranoid thinking is generally difficult to get along with and often has problems with close relationships. Her excessive suspiciousness and hostility may be expressed in argumentativeness, recurrent complaining, or by quiet yet hostile aloofness. Because she is usually expecting to be slighted by others, she may act in a guarded, secretive, or devious manner and appear to be "cold" and lacking in tender feelings. Although she may appear to be objective, rational, and unemotional, she more often displays a hostile, stubborn, and sarcastic attitude. Her combative and suspicious nature often elicits a hostile response in others, which then serves to confirm her original expectations.

Because the paranoid Aspie lacks trust in others, he has an excessive need to have a high degree of control over his environment and those around him. He is often rigid, critical of others, and unable to collaborate, and he has great difficulty accepting constructive criticism.

Because of reduced levels of trust, there can be challenges in treating this Aspergers adult. However, psychotherapy, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety medications can play a role when the man or woman is receptive to intervention. If suspicions are interfering with your relationships or work, please watch the video above.


==> Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Financial Problems: 21 Tips for Aspergers Couples

Financial problems can start even before the wedding vows are said, from the expenses of courtship to the high cost of the wedding. Couples who have money issues should take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances:

1. Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understanding that there are benefits to both, and agreeing to learn from each other's tendencies.

2. Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

3. Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income is simply unrealistic.

4. Construct a joint budget that includes savings.

5. Decide how much you can save each month, and then save an additional 20 percent.

6. Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.

7. Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.

8. Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties.

9. Don't blame each other for the money problems.

10. Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.

11. Don't panic when the market goes down. The most important thing you can do in a bad economy is to stay calm.

12. If possible, pay more than the minimum every month on your credit cards.

13. Keep investing monthly in your 401(k) or IRA. 

14. Line up your credit cards from the highest interest rates to the lowest. Pay the minimum on every single card to stay current. When the card with the highest interest rate is paid off, put the amount you had been paying on it toward the next card in line. Keep repeating this process until each credit card has been paid off.

15. Never close down a credit card since it will hurt your credit score.

16. Never go over your credit limit.

17. Pay your bills on time.

18. Search for the savings account with the highest interest rate.

19. Sit down with your expenses and separate wants and needs. Circle all expenses that are wants. If you have debt or no savings, eliminate the wants.

20. Talk about caring for your mother and father as they age, and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs, if necessary.

21. Try to save enough to cover eight months of expenses.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

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