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How to Be a Chronic Worrier: Asperger’s Guidelines to Increase Anxiety

As an adult with Asperger’s (high-functioning autism), you are probably an expert in experiencing anxiety. However, if you want to kick your game up a few notches, adopt the “beliefs” listed below. They are guaranteed to move your anxiety to an all new level. [NOTE: This post is meant to be sarcastic.]

Belief #1: You should spend copious amounts of time contemplating all the possible things that might go wrong in any particular situation, or else you won’t be adequately prepared. “What if ________ (fill in the blank) happens?” …should become your new mantra.

Belief #2: Make yourself adopt the notion that you are a “born worrier.” In other words, you “have to worry” because it’s a genetic trait, so there’s no sense in trying to change something that is totally out of your control.

Belief #3: Accept that you are unable to find solutions to most problems, and as such, worrying is the best option.

Belief #4: Adopt the idea that if you let other people know what they do that makes you anxious, they will change their behavior to accommodate your wishes. In other words, feel free to engage in “emotional blackmail” as needed.

Belief #5: Come to understand that if you worry about others, it will show that you care about them. You know how great it feels when you see that someone else is continually worrying about you – right? So, return the favor!

Belief #6: Realize that if you worry about something long and hard enough – it’s likely to happen. Thus, create as many “self-fulfilling prophecies” as possible.

Belief #7: If you “feel” really nervous about something, it must mean that it’s a real threat. Therefore, you SHOULD worry about it – because feelings make facts.

Belief #8: Spend a long time thinking through every aspect of an issue before making a decision, because “spur-of-the-moment” decisions are often deadly!

Belief #9: Be advised that just because something you worried about in the past didn’t happen, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future. As such, “jumping to conclusions” and creating “worst-case scenarios” is highly recommended.

Belief #10: If you unceasingly worry about something (e.g., all day, all night, into the next day, etc.), you may be able to prevent bad things from happening. Increased worry equals fewer unwanted outcomes.

These are all beliefs that will raise your stress-level so high that your nearest competitors will be absolutely blown away. So, go ahead – lead the pack.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

23 Ways to Get Out of a Funk: Tips for Aspies

Here are some quick and effective ideas for improving your mood – quickly:

1. Achieve a small goal: Even little successes have big mood payoffs (e.g., getting the back yard mowed).

2. Be here now: The best way to stay cheerful is to stay centered in the present. In contrast, a wandering mind brings you down. 

3. Be mindful: Don’t dwell so much on the past and the future. Instead, tell yourself that nothing really changes regardless of how much you think about the past and, in most cases, the future.

4. Be nice: Holding the door for the person behind you or donating five bucks to a favorite charity improves your mood.

5. Breath: Belly breathing switches on the parasympathetic nervous system, helping calm mind and mood. 

6. Burn a candle: Flickering flames burn away stress and help you feel better all around.

7. Chew: The repetitive action of gnawing on gum or beef jerky promotes relaxation and reduces anxiety and stress.

8. Compliment someone: Complimenting people usually will improve their mood, and it also improves yours. 

9. Do something new: Even adding something small to a normal routine can brighten up a day. 

10. Drink green tea: It contains theanine, which has a calming effect on your body.

11. Eat dark chocolate: Eating chocolate makes you feel happy.

12. Get distracted: Step away from worries for a few minutes and get absorbed in something neutral (e.g., trimming a bush, drawing a picture). 

13. Get outside: A boost of vitamin D can keep the blues at bay.

14. Jump: Get endorphins pumping fast with some jumping jacks, jump rope, or random flailing around.

15. Masturbate: If you’re cranky at home (or somewhere else that’s private), orgasms can mellow you out.

16. Meditate: Just a few minutes of sitting quietly, focusing on the breath, and chanting a few Oms (silently or out loud) can snap you out of a funk.

17. Notice small miracles: Look around for small wonders (e.g., a butterfly).

18. Pet your pet: Cuddling, playing, or just chilling out with Sparky helps you feel happier and less stressed.

19. Rearrange the furniture: Changing an environment helps you feel refreshed, enabling you to bust out of a negative mood.

20. Sing: Sing along with a happy song (perfect pitch not required).

21. Smile: The act of smiling really does improve mood fast.

22. Sniff: Inhaling the scent of orange oil or lavender reduces anxiety and improves mood.

23. Snuggle: Climbing under a soft blanket for a few minutes makes you more relaxed and flexible.

Mood is determined by neurotransmitters (e.g., serotonin, dopamine and GABA). Low levels of these natural chemicals are the reason for a low mood and other emotional issues. Try some of the ideas above – right now – to get out of your funk.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

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