Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise? Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile...

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How To Make Your NT Wife H A P P Y !!!

In multiple studies, females have been shown to be more intuitive, which makes them more sensitive than males. Studies also reveal that females show more empathy and patience, whereas males are inclined toward problem-solving and are more comfortable with the language of logic than of emotion.

In Western culture, especially, men are taught that it isn't macho to be sensitive and show emotion. Females are given more support to express their feelings than males are.

To men on the spectrum: No matter how macho you are or how lovey-dovey your NT wife or girlfriend can get, there's always more room for sensitivity and affection. So don't be too shy to break out the emergency “nice-guy kit” every now and then, and get to work.
 
25 relationship tips for men with ASD [High-Functioning Autism]:

1. Be interesting rather than glued to the TV with a beer in your hand.

2. Compliment her, and tell her you love her at least once a day.

3. Connect with her physically during the day. Kiss her when you wake up, hold her hand sometimes, touch her in non-sexual ways. She'll be nicer to you, and your sex life will improve.
 
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

4. Do little day-to-day things that will make her feel taken care of, for example, fill her empty water glass, bring her coffee in bed, or turn down her side of the bed if you go to bed before she does.

5. Don't laugh at her television shows. For some women, watching Oprah or Dr. Phil may be the only “adult conversation” they have in a day.

6. In the course of disagreeing with your wife, what you may fail to realize is that, invariably, you’re wrong. You just are. You’re trying to be right — but failing. You can’t help it. It’s the nature of things. Husbands are bigger, hairier, stronger, and wronger. It’s just a fact that you should just get used to (your wife has!). Also, when you're angry or upset, tell her why. Don't make her guess.

7. Encourage her dreams and help make them come true if you can.

8. Give flowers for NO reason. Daisies picked from a neighboring field will put a smile on her face.

9. Have your own opinions. Females like males who are clear on what they think – and why they think it. Males, though, enjoy ever waffling. Well, waffles are for children. Stop it. Commit to thoughts, ideas, and decisions. Sure, you will be wrong about whatever it is you decide to think – but you’ll be attractively wrong (i.e., wrong, but manly).

10. Help around the house. These days, both partners are usually holding down an outside job. The home chores must be shared. Do so willingly.
 
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

11. If your girlfriend comes in during halftime of the super bowl and says something like, “I’ve been thinking about our future together,” then you should turn down the volume on the TV and listen (really!). If anything involves you at a fairly high level and “the two of you” in the long-term, then STOP whatever you're doing and pay attention to the given matter. If you don't, you might unknowingly agree to move out to the country, get a couple goats and a horse, raise 3 kids, and start attending church. Then you'll be in for a long discussion, all because you were too busy watching the Colts lose another championship.

12. If your wife or girlfriend is happy so long as you listen (or pretend to) when she talks, then leave it at that. But if you see that she wants you to be interested and ask many questions, then doing so might save you a lot of future headaches.

13. It would be in your best interest to remember that women have very LONG memories and don't forget easily.

14. Know that if she is a "stay at home" mom, she is doing a huge job and one you would not want. Show appreciation.

15. Learning to be sensitive is something that improves with age. Some males are naturals, while others lack the suave, subtle ways needed to keep their woman happy. In any event, adapt your game plan based on how much affection your wife or girlfriend wants (or needs).
 
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples and Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

16. Let the kids be your responsibility now and then. That way, she'll get some time for herself for a change.

17. Listen, listen, then listen some more! Put down that newspaper (or TV remote) and let her know your focus is on her. When she tells you her problems, try not to jump in with advice. A sympathetic ear may be all she needs.

18. Ok, this is huge---give her the remote!

19. Plan special evenings for no reason, AND schedule the babysitter.

20. PMS -- don't make light of it, they hate it as much as you hate the moods and outbursts.

21. Remember that your tone does too matter. You know how in arguments with your spouse, you keep
thinking that if she would just focus on “what” you are saying instead of on “how” you are saying it, then she would see how right you are? Yeah, well that is never going to happen. She needs to know you still love her as you are yelling at her. Women are weird like that.
 
==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

22. Stop fidgeting while your spouse is talking to you. It really is rude — and you know it. If you don’t stop doing that, then one day, when your spouse starts talking to you about her day, you’re going to start fiddling with the remote control or something else, and she’s going to suddenly scream and throw a cast iron pot your way.

23. Suggest a walking routine together, not to discuss heavy issues, but to simply spend some time together.

24. Take care of all vehicles. Some men feel if it's the wife's car, then she needs to schedule maintenance on it.

25. When buying gifts, make them special – no appliances unless she is asking for them.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 

Comments:

•    Anonymous …Anyone have problems with their parents? My mother hates me and says I'm uncaring, unloving, and selfish and she doesn't want to see how I raise my children because they will be the same way. She also thinks I'm setting her up for failure when I ask her a question and then give her the correct scientific answer. When in my reality, all I'm doing is trying to update her info, so I think I'm helping her to gain better knowledge. The thing is, if I didn't say these things, we'd have nothing to talk about :/ It's sad really. I'm afraid our relationship is going to be over. She does not like the "real me." She prefers the quiet insecure teenager that I used to be years ago. According to her I've "gotten worse" but I'm really just discovering myself. Sorry for the rant, it's been an emotionally draining night and day. Has anyone experienced this?
 

•    Anonymous …Sounds like the problem is with your mom ...I wouldn't view this as your issue. It's hers. Does she understand Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) at all?!
 

•    Anonymous …Only when it's convenient for her it seems. But she also thinks she may have passed it down to me. We will never know, she's not willing to get tested.
 

•    Anonymous …Sounds a lot like my mother. I ended up "timing" my visits to 15 mins unless things were going exceptionally well. I had a "pre-planned excuse" to leave if I didn't like the way conversations were heading. And, that 15 mins was exhausting! My mom had her own "issues" and sounds like your mom does too. Don't let her "issues" upset YOUR life. I found the key to surviving the relationship with her was to set some very strong boundaries.
 

•    Anonymous …I dont know if this will help... Im trying to suggest that you can remain hopeful about the future... I was estranged from my parents until a boyfriend both limited the length of each visit, but increased the number of visits. (like Lynn said). But really, It was strained until I had kids; bizarrely i then re-evaluated everything my parents had done/said, and through new understanding I forgave most of what had occurred. Parenthood is hard and many parents lack info and support to become better at parenting. Maybe it's also that you don't understand your mums fears and feelings (?) and that she's still trying to say how she feelsas a mum 'in general', rather than trying to be hurtful to you? Regardless- It sounds like you're in pain. Hang in there, and remember to treat yourself well."
 

•    Anonymous …"OMG! Someone recorded one of my many conversations with my mother! LMAO!! This is priceless! I too spent many years as an independent contractor and got the "why don't you get a real job" speech. My mother quit visiting me and I only saw her on holidays at her house after she came to my house many years ago when I was out working and CLEANED it! I asked her to never do that again and so she never came over again - which was actually totally fine with me! LOL"
 

•    Unknown…My son is going to be 21 years old and is going to be elaluated for Aspergers. He say it is too late for him at this age and his future is "F***ed". Any words of inspiration or later in life diagnosed people out there that have success stories? Thank you! Heartbroken.
 

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How to "Chit Chat": Tips for People with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Chit chat and small talk is often seen as meaningless conversation by adults with ASD [High-Functioning Autism]. But silence isn't necessarily golden. Sometimes it's just plain uncomfortable to find yourself with strangers and nothing to say.

Here are some tips for people on the spectrum who hate chit chat – but feel they should be more conversational (if for no other reason than simply being polite):

1. Be a good listener. You can give visual clues that you are listening. You can nod your head, lean in towards the speaker to let them know you are paying attention.

2. Be a warehouse of information. This entails reading a lot and watching many documentaries on television. But information does not have to be encyclopedic or boring. Read and learn about things you are interested in, but take time as well to learn about things you think other people would be interested in. Knowing a few good facts that other people can relate to is better for chit chat purposes than having a head full of information that makes the eyes of other people glaze over.

3. Care about the “vibe” more than the topic. A conversation is much more than an exchange of facts and ideas. It is an exchange of energy. What many people miss is that when you know how to make chit chat, it means you can create a positive exchange of energy. The topic is just an excuse, so it doesn’t have to be a deep topic. When you’re making chit chat, you want to focus more on being friendly and positive than on picking the right topic or saying the right things. Smile, relax, joke around, be spontaneous and be silly. Remember that your vibe comes mainly from your attitude.
 

4. Don’t get “stuck” on the trivial stuff. Keep in mind that chit chat is not a destination. It’s just a temporary station. If an interaction with a person goes well, do move the conversation to deeper and more personal topics. You can talk about topics (e.g., family and relationships, career plans, life goals, challenges, etc.). You now find yourself in a new land: the land of bigger chit chat. Ultimately, a strong bond between two people is created when they talk about the most meaningful things, in the most meaningful way. Knowing how to make chit chat is one of the key people skills to master. From there, if you also know how to have charisma and engage others in more intimate conversation, you can get outstanding results with people and you can build a highly fulfilling social life for yourself.

5. Don't melt-away from conversations. Make a graceful exit. Try and shake the hand of the person you've been talking to. Show appreciation by saying, "It was interesting hearing about your job."

6. Greet warmly and use names. Make sure if you don't remember someone's name to ask. And, be prepared to introduce people to each other. It's also important to smile and be the first to say hello.

7. Get a life. It’s easy to make chit chat when you have a lot of things to chat about. People who know how to make chit chat well have a rich inner - and especially outer - life. Conversation is for them just a matter of expressing that. It’s much harder to make chit chat well when all you do is work a repetitive job or play on the computer all day. A rich lifestyle creates content and it helps you engage others. If you don’t have one, it’s time to create it (e.g., read, travel, try new things, take on various hobbies, do some charity work, socialize, etc.).

8. Keep a diary. This will serve as a repository of any information you feel is worth collecting. Anecdotes, important pieces of facts, names of people you need to remember - anything can go in that diary. The point is to read through the diary to bone up on the information that you feel is important to remember.

9. Keep it meaningful. Making chit chat makes a lot of sense with people you’ve just met. Imagine asking a person you know for 30 seconds: “So, how’s you sex life?” That is way too intrusive! Chit chat on the other hand provides a method to ease into the discussion. When you make chit chat, the subjects may be superficial for comfort, but they should be subjects you care about and approach in a straightforward manner, staying away from clichés. In this way, you can make the discussion meaningful for you – and for the other person. Focus on what is interesting as a topic and on what is real within you. You’ll make the talk fun even though you keep it small.

10. Learn to listen to what people around you are saying. Did your doctor just say he wants to go on vacation? Ask him when and where. Has your mother been telling you that she has back pains? Inquire whether they are getting worse. Did the cashier inform you that she is banking on being promoted soon? Congratulate her in advance. These are all opportunities to make chit chat, because you cared enough to listen to what they were telling you.
 

11. Make it a point to join groups of people anywhere just to make chit chat. Have you noticed that when many people are gathered together in one place, someone inevitably strikes up a conversation with another person there? Some people are quite shy though and leave it to other people to make the first move. That is okay, so long as you try to join in the conversation as well.

12. One of the best ways to learn about another person and help them feel as though you are interested in them is to ask questions and listen carefully to their responses. It may help you to prepare questions beforehand for the person you are meeting. Also, you can take a few minutes to learn something about the person you are going to meet before you meet.

13. Prepare for conversation. Before going anywhere, you need to make sure you have two or three things to talk about. It only takes a couple of minutes to prepare. The worst time to think of what to say is when you actually have to say something. You can talk about current events or what you already know about the person. But you have to be prepared.

14. Show an interest and dig deeper. Everybody should avoid clichéd questions that merely lead to clichéd answers that no one really cares about. "How was your day?" is one. You'll never know how someone's day was unless you dig deeper. You could say, "What went on at work today?" That kind of question will bring a more detailed, thoughtful answer, and you can follow up with another question. You have to actually be interested in the other person to have a good conversation.

15. Stop being an advisor. There's a real temptation in the course of conversation to respond to someone with advice. Resist that temptation. No one asked for advice. They just want to be heard. You don't have to solve people's problems in your conversations.
 

16. Treat chit chat with strangers as a skill you want to master. That means you need to have plenty of opportunity to make mistakes. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. That means you are experimenting and learning. Eventually you will become better at making conversation with new people.

17. Try talking to yourself in the mirror. This allows you to practice your chit chat skills in private. You can then catch any bad habits that you have, like pursing your lips or licking your lips when you speak.

18. Try to overcome any feelings of shyness or lack of self-confidence by participating in more opportunities to do chit chat. There's no getting around it - you learn how to make chit chat by doing chit chat whenever and wherever you can.

19. Practice your chit chat skills on people you encounter in your daily life such as the gasoline attendant who fills your car tank with gasoline every week, or the bus driver who accepts your fare for the daily commute to the office. Practicing hones your chit chat skills so that when you have to attend that important community function you will find chit chat to be easier (if not second nature by then.)

20. Be patient with yourself as you learn the fine art of chit chat. Start very small with small talk. Then move on to bigger small talk.
 

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Comments:

•    Anonymous…This was very helpful. I'm really glad I found this page :-) Very nice. This "Chit Chat" issue is probably the main one that I struggle with. Other than that life is pretty great......but if I'm stuck in a social situation with a room full of people anticipating "chit chat"...well, I'd rather sit in a room all by myself curled up with a book than to while away time listening to someone's adventures in "shoe shopping". But I suppose I need to work on this. The article was quite good though....thanks :-)


•    Anonymous… I just found the page & I cant tell u how good it feels to know why I am the way I am & being able to find tools to understand, deal, & adjust are priceless to me. I never understood why I saw chit chat as either pointless or nothing I'd actually want to do & SO very stressful @ the mere thought of having to "Make conversation" especially w strangers. Thanks for the page


•    Anonymous …I honestly don't want nor do I feel the need to work on my problems with social chit chat. I like the way I am, I am an original...and those who love me and know of my mild autism know that that is how I am and find my quirks quite awesome. I like being a breath of fresh air in a world where people thrive on talking about meaningless things to strangers. I personally see nothing wrong with being aloof and keeping to myself.


•    Tiredasf##k …As I type this my husband is not home tonight. I am absolutely sick to death of feeling like I don't matter. I work my ass off. I do everything for us. I get no appreciation no love no sex no anything. I'm so emotionally exhausted I've come down with pneumonia. I am so sick. I absolutely lost it today when he got a phone call from a buddy at 5am asking him for a ride to work. His friend starts at 6am he starts at 7am. He jumped up like a super hero and was ready to go in no time. I was awake and coughing violently the whole time... He never asked me if I was ok. He never asked me if I needed anything... But his buddy calls and he runs to the rescue. So at 6am while dizzy and coughing up a lung I'm letting the dogs out trying to make some tea and I got so dizzy I almost pass out. Maybe it's the medication or maybe I'm at a breaking point because I laid into him like I was at war. I went off. I mean what kind of person doesn't make sure their sick wife is OK before leaving over an hour early for work? Am I supposed to believe he is incapable when he runs to his friends aide? What about me? I find myself saying that ever so often!!! At the end of the day and one of the biggest fights ever (mostly because I lost it big time) he says he doesn't want to be with me and leaves lol. LOL!!!! He doesn't want to be with me. I'm the bad guy again!!! I've tried it all nothing works. No matter how much I love the man he will never make me feel good about being his wife. I'll always be his caretaker. How did this happen? It seems like over time he got worse. Like in the beginning it was not so bad but now he's in lala land 90% of the time. What man doesn't want sex!!!!! He's like a robot! I'm losing my mind and pretty sure he's looking into divorce. Part of me is glad. The other part... Wishes he could see this and understand that he could make little changes and give himself reminders so that he could be a good husband to me. Did I also mention he's on his 7th job this year? I've carried him every way a person can. Now I lay in bed, alone. Sick as hell!!!! And where is my support? Somewhere else thinking I'm an a hole. My husband told me when I met him I was like a bright light that shined into his darkness. Well, he room that light and left me in the dark. God hell me 


•    Unknown …I appreciate your attempt to help those of us with HFA and Asperger's but the sad truth is that it will most likely go underappreciated. I, for one, find chit chat to be meaningless. I can not hold a real conversation without an NT deciding my tone and context, so I don't see the point to put myself out there. I mean, it will just give them more opportunities to victimize themselves and make me into the bad guy...Sadly, to do any one of these things is putting in more effort than any NT would be willing to show. Why do Aspies have to be the accommodating ones? Why are *we* considered the different ones? Honestly, we are just more logical. We are more effortless. We are more conservative of the energy we have (choosing to expend our energy by furthering our knowledge). We are more knowledgeable about most things. So, again, WHY do we make adjustments for those who are unwilling to do the same? I've been posting stories and news articles on my Facebook page about how to communicate with someone with Aspergers and even the NT PARENTS of HFA & ASPIE people don't bother with it. Such a shame really... What we really need is an NT/Aspie dream team to come up with a blog about mutual effort for understanding eachother. Cuz honestly? Most NTs just aren't worth my time and energy. I have things to learn, theories to test and conclusions to draw using evidence. (Ooh. Yeah... the neurotypical judgement of others gets me going too.... I know I sound judgemental in this comment, but towards individuals I am not judgemental. Towards the majority of society: well, they think there is something "wrong" with me. I believe I am a pioneer for the people of tomorrow. Why else is ASD and HFA becoming a more prevalent diagnosis?)


•    unknown …Aspies clearly spend to much time with their own thoughts they have a brain that does not switch off. My partner of six years will insist on me siting close to him but only wants me to speak to him when am spoken too. General chit chat may turn into a falling out causing him distraction of his thoughts. If I am not with him he becomes obsessed with every move interaction hassles me, in half an hour I get several calls text. Its easier to avoid seeing people. I have become as lonely as him. For a quite existence and to prevent escalation of any violent outbursts to himself,me my children, strangers the general public, property. My physical health suffers I constantly have chest pains stiff shoulder and neck pain.

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