Playing guitar for my 4 y.o. grandson [out of view of the camera]...

"My husband was recently diagnosed with ASD. Now what?"

Many "newbie” neurotypical (NT) spouses can learn to cope with the demands of being married to a spouse with autism once they learn about the emotions with which they are dealing with – and how to address them. Not all NTs experience all of the feelings listed below. However, it is helpful for them to be aware of the various emotions involved – and to realize that their experiences and feelings are normal.

Sorrow:

• Loss of hopes and plans for the future

• Loss of the "perfect marriage" that was anticipated prior to meeting her autistic spouse

Resentment:

• Long-standing lack of emotional reciprocity from the autistic spouse

• Long-standing lack of empathy 

Remorse:

• Over her autistic husband's suffering

• Less focus on self

• Unable to help her autistic spouse in the social and emotional sense

Feelings of Loneliness:

• No one else understands what the NT wife  is going through

• Avoids having to explain the disorder and answer questions

• Can sense that others are uncomfortable around her husband at times

• Depressed

• Not wanting to interact with others as a couple

• Resentment toward others with "typical husbands"

Worries:

• The children's future

• The children's emotional safety

• Keeping a stable relationship with her spouse

• Her own mental health

• Next crisis

Anxiety:

• Advocating for accommodations

• Attempting to do all the relationship work

• Balancing career and family

• Dealing with other's reactions and opinions

• Lack of exercise

• Lack of prior medical or advocacy experiences

• Learning details of spouse's disorder and about related treatment

• Making choices regarding treatment

• Managing time

• Poor eating habits

• Sleep deprivation

Feeling Isolated:

• Detachment in other areas of life due to focus on the autistic spouse's needs

• Feelings of despair and hopelessness

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.