Are you an adult with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's? Are you struggling emotionally, socially, spiritually or otherwise?
Then you've come to the right place. We are here to help you in any way we can. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile.

Discouraged "Neurotypical" Wife Speaks Out

My husband has Asperger’s. It's stressful and I'm exhausted. The 'support' groups I’ve joined basically say the same thing: 'It's not his fault, accept him for who he is.' He’s selfish, rude, and throws tantrums like a 3 year old to get his way. I feel like I’m raising a second child that will never grow up. I am worn out, sad, and lonely. 

I feel I’m losing my 'self' through all of this and I just don’t have any strength left to fight. I'm the one that has to handle everything, and there is never someone there to help me. I have pushed aside my friends when it comes to social gatherings because my husband always seems so disengaged at these events. He denies that anything is wrong and won’t seek help. 

An outsider looking in would see a man who is very smart, but emotionally flat. The outsider would probably feel sorry for him for having a fat, angry and horrified wife -- and have no idea that when she married him, she was pretty, healthy, funny and cheerful. He took all of these things from me. 

When at home, he is a 'cold fish' and seems resentful if family needs his help. As he has gotten older, he is more controlling. He rarely shows compassion for us, while claiming we are the center of his world.  I didn't realize what was happening to me because I loved him. It was like a slow leak that you don’t recognize until it is too late. 

I have blamed myself for everything – every blow up, every sigh he generates, every look of disgust, the fact we are not sexual or even affectionate. The fact he doesn’t 'get it' makes it all the more head-banging frustrating. I just started taking anxiety medication. I am literally going crazy. 

I'm so sick of hearing, ‘He can’t help it. He's unaware of it. He's wired different. Have more understanding. Imagine what it is like to be him.' I guess I'm a terrible wife for not being more understanding. 

I get tired of all those people saying how interesting, talented, and special people with Asperger's are. I’m sure they are in some situations. But, it simply does not work if you want an intimate and warm relationship. ~ The End




==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Why I Am Glad I Got Diagnosed

Hey guys, my name is Matt and I have been diagnosed with AS. When I first started dating my current girlfriend, she suggested that I may have AS. She had pointed to certain behaviors of mine that drove her crazy, and said she would like me to get a professional opinion and, ideally, some help. 

I wondered, "Could she be right?" So I got online and did a bit of my own research. Almost immediately, I had the thought, "Hmm, I think I could have it – I've got a lot of those damn traits." So I set up an appointment for an assessment, and sure enough, I met enough of the criteria to receive the diagnosis.

Getting a diagnosis removed the mystery and diminished the shame I carried around for being "a bit weird.” I have begun the process of learning to live more adaptively with an AS brain. I have felt "different" my whole life. Now, I'm hoping to find a community of individuals who get who I am, how I think, and even how I feel. A diagnosis of AS has given me the push I needed to get in touch with support groups and connect with that community.

I've been called "obsessive," but I felt I was just very interested in one incredibly remarkable subject -- automation engineering. I wanted to figure out whether I was right or wrong, and make a good decision about whether to try to expand my interests. 

Now that I know I have AS, I don't feel the need to have a wide range of interests just to please other people. I've learned that people with AS typically only have one or two special interests. So, now I understand why I put so much attention on automation engineering.

I figure that if I didn't get the "AS" label, then I would be leaving it to everyone in the community to give me the label of their choice (e.g., odd, self-absorbed, rude, and so on). A diagnosis helps others in my life to understand me and respond differently to my “odd” behavior. It also has provided a framework for labeling, understanding and learning about behavioral and emotional challenges that have been baffling to me up to this point.

It’s never too late to increase self-awareness in order to capitalize on strengths and work around areas of challenge. Knowing about AS gives me an explanation, not an excuse, for why my life has taken the twists and turns that it has.

The bottom line for me is that I am tired of suffering the consequences of being constantly misunderstood. When the people close to me are able to understand that there is a reason for my quirks and difficulties, it's much easier for them to empathize with my situation.

I've pretty much done a life review. I've disclosed to a few family members, friends and co-workers that I have the disorder. Now I understand why certain careers and relationships have - and have not - been successful for me in the past. And I have tried to repair a few relationships that have been negatively affected by my disorder.

If you have AS and don’t know, it affects you anyway. But, if you do know, you can minimize the negative impact and leverage the positive. That's my current mission.

Matt

Living With An Aspergers Partner: eBook, Audio Instruction, and Couples Counseling